31 May 2010

High Hormones Monday

It’s Monday, which means I couldn’t weight myself this morning, and will have to wait until tomorrow to fully understand the damages of the weekend. I estimate my weight to be somewhere around 127lbs, again. I just hope it isn’t over 127.

Last night I was at Bro’s place, and he said the Pirate was in town for the day, but had declined his invitation for BBQ. Bro’s words were “Well, he came with his girlfriend so I guess he didn’t want to come to avoid his GF meeting you”

Men are whores, but whatever.

The Boyfriend won’t come to see me for my birthday. He’ll be in Budapest for a stag, and then he has his brother in law’s birthday. Cool huh? (Sarcasm all around) I guess I’ll consider myself allowed to indulge in some guilty pleasure, and as you may well understand I’m NOT talking about food.
In any case, I’m on for the next regatta (June 20), but I’m not sailing with the Pirate; I’ll be on Bro’s team! And we’d better beat the Pirate’s ass, or Bro will hear me out loud. Oh, and here’s the funny thing: the regatta will start some 15km south from home, on the lake of course, but we’ll be hosting a huge party the night before so I won’t be ready in time to sail the distance. Instead, I’ll ride my Vespa to the spot. However, Bro won’t be able to pick me up from the pier, so I had to promise I’ll swim the distance to his boat as soon as he gets there. This is going to be funny + it will give me the perfect excuse to change through 2 swimsuits over the day…
Sooooo people… I need to be 120lbs (possibly less) by June 20.
Which is why I’m going to get into poker face’s weight loss competition. Oh, okay, maybe it’s also because he’s one of the most awesome in blogorexia!! I just hope he won’t require daily updates ‘cause I’ll be in France starting tomorrow and I won’t have my scale… we’ll see!

Fitness goal of the week: stop being content with all the cardio stuff and throw in more abs!!
I need some eye candy. Like this.

PS thank-you for the comments! (the tissue idea is not bad, but I'm not brave enough to face Steve's bathroom... who knows what kind of creatures live in there... Anyway, Steve doesn't believe me, but he doesn't nag me about eating. At least not yet.

28 May 2010

"I ate before I came"

When I go at Steve's place, at night, to share drinks or (more often) herbal tea, he always offers food.

I always give him the usual:
I have the feeling he doesn't believe it anymore.

Is this the way?

125.8 lbs

small steps, big, HUGE patience.

I shall not fuck up over the weekend

I shall not fuck up over the weekend

I shall not fuck up over the weekend

(maybe I could record this and have it on my ipod playing all weekend long?)

27 May 2010

I've seen so much in so many places, so many heartaches, so many faces, so many dirty things, YOU COULDN'T EVEN BELIEVE

I had pasta. with cheese. and white wine

I could blame it on Steve. I could blame in on the rain.

But the truth is, I can only blame it on my weakness.


I need to get some sleep.

26 May 2010

Random thoughts

126.1 lbs this morning.

Small steps in the right direction.

Gym tonight, gym tomorrow morning, and on Saturday I have planned a 40km bike trip with dad.

For the next regatta (June 20), I want my body to look like this.

I keep going out every night. It's a bit too much.

Ok, let's be honest. Tomorrow I'm attending a fashion event. In Milan. This means most girl will have a BMI of 18 or less. Ugh. I'm going to write a QMNMD temporary tattoo on the inner part of my wrist (Quod Me Nutrit Me Destruit). As a reminder.

Last night I went out with my high school best friend. She thinks I'm obsessed with dieting. She keeps telling everyone she's so lucky she hasn't gained a lb in the last year. I saw her waiting for me at the corner, and it looked like she had a giant doughnut wrapped around her waist.

She's as tall as I am, but she must be at least 10 lbs heavier than I am, and has no muscle at all. And she wonders why she hasn't gotten laid over the last year...

At least she's happy with her body, which is more thant I can say about myself!

PS Check Chitosan on wikipedia. I tried it slowly at first because it may give problems to those allergic to shell food (which I am) but my body seems to cooperate for once.

Apparently it doesn't allow your body to digest carbs and fats. Downside: expect massive poops 15 minutes after eating. NOT recommandable for glamour soirées.

25 May 2010


I weighted myself, and I’m back at 126.8lbs. :-(
Honestly, I expected worse after all the booze in ingurgitated over last dreamy weekend. In any case, right after hopping on the scale I hit the gym this morning, and I hope to train at least 5 times over this week.

Now, I'd like to share a bit of family info…
Both Bro and my dad are doctors (cardiologists), and Bro also married a doctor. My mother, who was obese, 12 years ago decided she needed to change things, dropped 46 pounds in three months, and started training.

The upside is, everyone firmly believes in the necessity of training. Eating at my parents place is always healthy, BUT, being Italians, there is always a lot of pasta, rice and these kind of carbs, especially for me since I’m vegetarian.

The downside is my parents do believe that I can’t, and most importantly SHOUDN’T go back to my teenage body. (I know I posted this pic before, but I just love it)

On to Bro. Bro looks anorexic. He isn’t, but his BMI is 19.0, and he has no fat. Actually, being a man, he could use a bit more meat on his bones.
Bro (even though is married to an obese horrible woman), thinks I’m slightly overweight. Because he know the real me is 22-25 lbs lighter. Because he remembers me that way.

So when I have dinner at his place (very often BBQs in summer), he’ll throw some zucchini (no oil) on the grill for me, and won’t nag me about the fact I’ll only eat that. And when friends drive the Pirate into believing that I’m 21, Bro plays the game.

In one word, Bro UNDERSTANDS. He understands my need to get skinnier, my need to flirt, my need to look younger.
Oh, and yes, I know how lucky I am that Bro is in my life.
PS: has anyone ever tried chitosan? any advice? does it work?

24 May 2010

He touched my hair, and instead of slapping his hand, I smiled

Who cares if I binged?
Last weekend was amazing

I wanna live like this forever. On Friday I took the train and Bro was waiting for me at the station, and together we went to pick up my beautiful Vespa. Next week I’ll post a decent pick of it, I promise. I rode it to Bro’s place and I had dinner with his family, but that was okay since I only had veg soup and green salad (no dressing).
On Saturday morning I had a zillion things to do and errands to run, so I woke at 6.30, skipped my breakfast and did everything on my list (yay!), then I drove to my neighbor’s place (aka the sailing club), to meet my Bro. It was such an amazing warm and sunny day! Of course the Neighbor (aka owner of the club, let’s just call him The Neighbor) immediately poured me white wine, and I stayed there drinking (but not eating!) until 2PM.
Bro was long gone, and I wanted to ride my Vespa by the lake, but just one mile further I came across Bro and friends, almost ready to start sailing. The shouted out: “Lucy, come and join us!”, so of course I parked the Vespa, ran to the boat, and off we sailed. I got home after five, slept while sun tanning for 2 hours, threw on a long white dress (spaghetti straps), and headed at Bro’s place for a BBQ on his deck. Soon, 15 people or so arrived, included this guy I had come across at the Neighbor in April, who has these looks:

except shorter, and younger. Needless to say, he’s known as The Pirate.
Now The Captain was running the regatta on Sunday but he did not have his other crew, so he started asking me to join him. The only thing, he didn’t remember me (true, we never talked, but still I was pissed), so I kind of blew him off.
Bro was lovely, he let me skip food without nagging me at all (I only had green salad), but alas, booze has calories.
One hour later or so, we ran out of beer. The kids were sleeping already, and The Pirate, being the youngest boy, was sent out to buy more. After a while, since he wasn’t coming back, they sent me to look for him. I took my Vespa and rode ‘till downtown, where I spotted him buying beer bottles in a bar, so I stopped and waved. He turned, spotted me and blew a kiss. And headed out carrying 20 beer bottles.
“Are you ready to ride, Captain Sparrow?”
He hopped on and said “Let’s go mon amour! Thank-you for rescuing me!”
And off we went, my hair (waist length) blowing in his face, laughing and running away when we crossed the cops! Back at Bro’s place he sat next to me and I had a blast while the others made him believe I was one year younger than he is, and he totally bought it! I ended up promising to sail with him on the next day!
Well, he begged me to drive him to his hotel (he was walking) but I felt too tipsy by that time, so I said no way. Instead I went home to sleep, and woke up early to bake a quiche to bring along at the regatta. Of course I made sure to put ham in it so I wouldn’t eat it!
Then I took the quiche at the Neighbor, and since it was still early, I went out with my kayak for a bit of sport. I came back in time to swim a bit, and when I got out of the water the Pirate had already prepared the boat.

While putting it into the water, some nearby flowers ended on it.

He took one, came towards me and tucked it behind my ear, softly brushing my hair with the back of his hand. I let him do it.

(Usually I hate when people touch my hair).
And off we went! We sailed for almost 4 hours, all the time wearing my bikini, so I got such a wonderful tan!
Again, I had a blast. When we got back there was food (and this time I had a little focaccia) and of course, champagne was running.

I wanna live like this forever. Drinking champagne over the sunset, by the lake at the beginning of the summer, innocently flirting with cute boys, having a blast with Bro and friends.

Of course it had to end, and I decided to leave before the Pirate did, so I just waived him goodbye and ran home at 6. And so here I am on a Monday afternoon in the office. It’s sunny and hot outside, I have plenty of girls nights out planned for the week, but the first thing to do is hop on the scale tomorrow morning and then hit the gym!
Sorry for the loooooooooooooooooooooooong post beauties!!!! Have a nice week and stick to your eating (or non-eating) plans!!

21 May 2010

almost weekend

126.1 lbs this morning. Hopefully less by next week.

Have a nice weekend skinnies.

20 May 2010

I'm awake, but my world is half asleep

I. Can’t. Fucking. Sleep. Enough.

And, of course, this leads me to over eating. I know it’s no excuse. But it’s just like that.
Last night I went at Steve’s, where Alvaro and Mick were supposed to join us. I threw on jeans, a sexy top (long sleeve, bare back and shoulders), heels and a sweater for the way. I packed a bottle of booze in my bag and grabbed my bike. After more or less 3 meters, my neighbor dog jumped out of nowhere, I pulled the breaks, put down a heel, lost balance and, eventually fell. I managed not to break the bottle, but man, I landed hard on my right side.
I mean, who fall from their bike at almost 28?

Two guys passing by helped me and I was back on my bike in no time, and went over at Steve’s. Once there, we quickly got to the point (meaning booze and weed). Steve offered crisps, I declined feeling superior. Then Alvaro called saying he was stuck at work, and Mick got in soon after. Mick threw himself at the crisps, and of course, I quickly gave up and ate. Asshole, that’s what I am. At least, I really had a blust with the guys!

Anyway we had a great time, and I decided to go home around 11, because I needed to sleep. Once in my own bathroom, I proceeded to check the damage: my whole right side (leg, butt cheek and especially arm and shoulder) looks blue-ish. Back and neck muscles slightly aching. Right knee covered with bruises like a 5 years old. There you go, bikini look.

Now, I sleep on my right side. I may fall asleep on the left side, but I will soon turn on the right side. And that hurt like hell all night long. What’s worse, at 3.30AM, they started doing maintenance jobs in the street under my bedroom. Fuck. I probably slept a total of 2 hours, fragmented.

No wonder I felt like shit when I hit the gym this morning. But seriously, how could I skip the gym after that crisps binge?
127.6lbs this morning. Ugh. Plus bruises and swollen eyes. Not cute.

I can’t wait to ride my beauty tomorrow!

19 May 2010

Getting my shit together

My allergies are in full swing. I spend the night between dreams and wakening, and most of the time I cannot make the difference.
Daytime is different. Besides swollen eyes, watering nose, and coughing, I feel like I’ve taken too many painkillers, I feel completely numb.

This morning I woke up at 127.8lbs. Still a fat cow, granted, but I know it goes by small steps (especially since I ate AGAIN yesterday, I estimate around 800kcals, but at least I had burnt 400 kcals at the gym in the morning).
At this point, all I’m asking is to be no more than 125 by Saturday, so I can go to the regatta and wear my bikini without being too ashamed of myself.
It will be a star regatta, like this.

On Saturday morning I also going to have my birthday present from dad finally delivered…. And I’ll be sure to post a picture on Monday, because girls, it rocks!!!!!
(My birthday is in June, but I’m getting my present early... you’ll understand why!)

The best thing about this weekend is that (hopefully) no one will make me eat. The Parents are on holiday, and I need to go home to check on my Granny, but I’ll be staying at home alone (Granny leaves very close), so no family meals etc etc. Yay!
The only problem is I still need to figure how I’m going to come back to the city on Monday morning, but I guess I’ll figure out something!

No gym this morning… I AM ashamed, but I was feeling too bad to get out of bad at 6AM. So I slept in ‘till 8.30. Crap. Well, I’ll make up for that tomorrow. At least, having skipped the gym, I’m not so hungry as I usually am by 10 in the morning!
Stay thin lovelies!

18 May 2010

…I know I can stop the hunger if I will the other way.

Stats: 129.6lbs

Then I see you standing there in the mirror, wanting more from me, and all I can do is try.

I remember when I said goodbye to the way of life I thought I had designed for me. And I ran away. Can't do that anymore though.

I ate again yesterday.

The Boyfriend asked me to compute his BMI, last weekend. 26.4. He said (I’m quoting) “Who cares, I’m not fat anyway. It’s all muscles”.
No kidding, he believes that.

I’m going out with the guys tonight. Steve and Mick for sure, maybe Maryse, maybe Alvaro, we’ll see.
Getting drunk for sure.

As the YaYa sisters said: Smoke, drink and DON’T THINK
I love you girls. Your comments make me stronger. You are beautiful

17 May 2010

Everything is possible, thus normal has to hurt beyond the invisible

Am I too lost to be saved?

Am I too lost?


I fucked up big time.
Started binging last Friday night, and I couldn’t stop until last afternoon, when my guests left.
At 5 PM I stopped eating, grabbed my stuff and headed to the gym, where I cardio-trained for over 700kcals (mostly running, then elliptical machine) on top of which I added some abs, crunches, squats and so on.

Then I tried a saltwater flush. It made me feel awful, and on top it did not work.

I laid there on my bed, I felt like crying, and I didn’t even know I gained SO MUCH weight.

Enough rambling. Next Saturday I’ll be at my neighbor’s place for a regatta and I’ll be swimming, so swimsuit and everything. CANNOT be anywhere over 125lbs. Steamed veggies at lunch, spinaches and one egg for dinner. No oil, no sauce. Gym tomorrow morning.

I look in the mirror and see both me and my shadow. I wanna be my shadow. I will do whatever it takes

14 May 2010

Keith. Whale versus mermaid

It keeps raining and raining.
Completely unusual for this place, this time of the year. I should be spending my weekends laying in sun by the lake, sipping white wine chez the neighbor, skinny dipping with my brothers at night.

Instead, I listen to U2’s Electrical storm.

On rainy days we’d go swimming out, on rainy days swimming in the sound, on rainy days we’d go swimming out..
Not yet warm enought to swim.

My eldest bro, Keith, is not really my brother. He’s Bro’s best friend, has been forever, and I call him brother and he calls me little sister. Has been this way forever.
When I was young and skinny, we would go on vacation together. The summer I turned 18, the three of us (Keith, Bro and I) spent the whole summer travelling through Austria, Switzerland and Germany. We would camp by lakes and go swimming at every time. We drank a lot.

Many, many times, Keith carried me out of the water like this.

Mostly at night time, when we would go back to our tent.
Keith moved to Maldives almost 2 years ago. He’s home now for a short while, then he’ll leave again. I miss him a lot.

Bro loves me, I love him, I’m closer to Bro, but Keith understands better my wilderness, my failures, my problems.

I’ll see Keith in two weeks. Don’t get me wrong, there is no romance between us.
But how can I go swimming with him when I’m so fat?
How can I expect him to carry me out of the water?
How can I expect him to even care about me?

I’m at 124.6 lbs. Gross. I had actually fasted for 30 hours (only drank unsweetened espresso and water), and then ate one whole pizza last night. I feel more like a whale than like a mermaid.

Coffee is cold, but it'll get you through:
Compromise, that's nothing new to you

Coffee is always my solution. As if I wasn’t already fucking sleepless.

Forgive me Keith. Please, try and love me anyways. Time with you is too precious to be wasted. I can’t tell you how obsessed with food I am. Please believe I’m fine. I just want everything to be the same as ten years ago.

12 May 2010

OH Yes, fuck YESSSS!!!

Let’s get straight to the point.
This morning 124.4 lbs
Please notice that this brings my BMI BELOW fucking 20 (I can’t help hating myself when my BMI starts with a two).

I shit you not people. It’s starting to WORK!

AND, I even had a massive poo AFTER weighting myself! Then I hit the gym of course, and I’ll stick to dieting today.

The issue: tonight the Boyfriend is coming over, and he’s staying until Sunday night (plus, two friend will be coming over from France, from tomorrow till Sunday night as well).
Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally happy I get to spend a couple of days with my love, BUT of course it’ll be a hell lot harder to avoid food.
In first place, being Italian means I cook. I don’t mean occasionally: I mean that when I’m not alone, I cook for each meal. Yes, breakfast lunch and dinner.
Now I bought some meat to do spezzatino, because I’m vegetarian (have been for the last 5 years), so that’s not much of a temptation, but I cannot possibly feed 3 people on just meat for 4 days…
So wish me luck on that one ladies!

Also I went at Steve’s place last night. I was good: I only had herbal tea (unsweetened), no alcohol, and only smoked half a cigarette (maybe less).

I know I’m still far from my goals, and I’m still not looking like I want to look, but I’m starting to believe I can actually do it. I can be thin again. When I’ll reach 120lbs, I’ll allow myself the red bracelet again.

Stay strong beauties, summer is coming and we all want to look fucking awesome in that swimsuit!

And once I’ll look like that, look at the guy I’ll probably spend part of my vacation with…

11 May 2010

This morning

..126.5 lbs
over 57kg

I'm a failure.
No soup today - green salad (no sauce), green apples and strawberries.
At list I hit the gym this morning.

10 May 2010

I sit and type, as tears go by

I don’t know how much I weight. I woke up at the Parents’ place this morning, so I could not weight myself.
I did eat a bit too much on Saturday, but it was not catastrophic. On a positive note, I went running for 10km (6 miles) with Mother on Sunday.

I’m at work right now. Just went for a coffee with Steve and a bunch of other guys, Mick among them. Mick is the biggest mouth I ever know, and he makes fun of everyone, and I mostly find him funny. Sometimes he goes too far, but I just shut up: he only wants to make us laugh and no offense is intended.

Today he said I looked pregnant.

I was going to have espresso, no sugar. 0 kcal. All of a sudden, I thought I would not be able to drink it, and gave up. Mick and all the others know I want to drop some lbs (although they do not know to which extent, and they would freak out if they knew). They see me sticking to soup and apples every day at the canteen.
He said “You look pregnant. You got a pillow on your belly or what?” and moved on to other subjects.

I felt like crying.

Even worse, Alvaro (work mate I have a kind of crush for, not in terms of physical attraction, more in a “I want to spend the rest of my life and get old by your side” way) was standing there. He even gave Mick a bad look.

I felt tears in my eyes, and quickly looked away.

I looked at my belly, and all of a sudden I felt obese. I wanted to disappear. I looked up and Alvaro was looking at me sympathetically. I wanted to scream. I tried to catch Steve’s eye, to let him know I needed his support, but he was talking to somebody else, and I didn’t want the others to notice. I just stayed quiet, but I’m usually a loud girl, and one of the guys (someone I do not trust) kept asking me what was wrong for the next few minutes, until we walked back to our desks. I sat down, and still felt like crying.

I wanted to get to the rest rooms and cry, but there is no privacy there, so in a matter of minutes the whole office would know I’m crying. This is not an option. So I’m typing this instead.

In the end, it’s all my fault. I shall fast. I’ll fast until lunch tomorrow, and then it’ll only be salad without sauce. No soup. And I’ll hit the gym tomorrow morning. And I won’t binge anymore until no one will ever think I’m fat.

06 May 2010

Whenever I'm down, I call on you my friend

As I mentioned in previous posts, I do a demanding job. Demanding in terms on hours (can easily get up to 70 hours a week, up to 90 when weekends are concerned). Demanding because when you spend such an amount of hours every week working in a room with a team of four-five people, it’s insane (let’s face it, it would be hard to spend so much time with the significant other YOU chose, let alone with co-workers you did not choose). Demanding because it’s a male dominated world.

In this scenario, years ago I found out the only way to survive is have one very close male friend within your co-workers. Someone you can talk to when you need to decompress, someone who can advice you when you’re that close to lose your temper, someone who will take you to a quit zone of the cafeteria when you feel like crying in front of the team. Someone to grab an aperitivo with right after work; someone who shares the office gossip with you, who will laugh with you over the events. In short, someone you can trust.
When I used to work in France, I was based in Lyon, but would often work in Paris as well, and in Paris was my work buddy Kevin. Kevin tried hitting on me when we first met, but then we worked our way to a beautiful friendship.
Then I moved to Milan, it took me a while to make such kind of friendship, and then I met Steve, who also happens to live at 5 minutes walking from my place (therefore, extremely favorable location for sharing drinks after work and for walking me home after nights out).
Steve is not the typical guy I get friends with. A bit too obsessed with soccer in first place, it’s really hard to make him talk about himself (read: it takes a few more beers than I can drink on a school night LOL). But when it rains like in these days, and nobody’s up for doing things at night, and I get depressed, Steve is a sure call. So I called him last night and sure thing we hit three bars after going back to his place for a smoke. Yes, I don’t usually smoke, but we both really felt like it, so we just followed the flow.

But even so, Steve does not understand things like the guys popping out I mentioned recently.
Here’s the thing. Back in early 2006, when I had just moved to France, my old colleagues from Italy came for a job training of a couple of days and of course we went out. Among the others, there was this new guy really good looking, that all the girls from my old office talked about. Long story short, I got drunk and brought him home with me that night.
Then we had a short story, I paid him visits in Milan, and it didn’t work out. Sex with him was wild in a way that didn’t fit with me: I would wake up at night with him pushing his way through my legs, and honestly it was more scary than exciting. Anyway, he quickly told me he wasn’t committed and he was only interested in sex. Plus, I also realized I didn’t really like him as a guy, we shared no interests and he basically didn’t do anything outside work.
He pretty much treated me like dirt. The only upside: I was the one lucky bitch that had gotten into screwing the one gorgeous guy of my old office. Blah.
Then he disappeared, got a girlfriend, befriended me on facebook: in short, we haven’t talked in over 3 years. Two days ago I got a message from him (on FB), asking me whether it was true I had moved back to Milan. Of course he went on asking me if I was single, and when I said no he inquired whether I lived alone or not.
Shortly after, he asked me out for drinks, and he even wrote “How come we didn’t talk in so long?”
Now the real answer is “Because you’re an asshole”
Instead, I’m playing the game.
Because I want revenge. I’m a bad bitch, and I want him to want me and to believe he can have me, just to show him that I would never ever even CONSIDER kissing him in the whole rest of my life.
So I’m having drinks with him next week. I need to get skinny by then!!!!

Back to Steve, he happens to know this guy, because they’re from the same town. And I tried to explain him this situation, but of course he did not understand me, because hey, he’s a man after all! But he still cracked me up last night. The only downside, I drank two beers. At least I was still 126.3 this morning.

Lastly, I re-read a couple of ana regzig's posts. I miss the girl so much, and I still wonder what happened to her. I hope so much she just got fed up with blogging!

05 May 2010

Old song, forever in my heart

This song is incredibly old.
But when it came out, I was almost fluent in German.

It doesn't talk about being thin, but it's one of my fave thinspiration.
When I binge, I sometimes think
"Und warum???
Nur fur ein Stück - von dem falschen Glück?"
And then, to my old skinny self:
"Du kommst nie mehr zurück - komm zurück, komm zurück!!!"

Check out the post below for today stats, lovelies...


I know, I said I would have talked about the exes popping out, but my mind is on something else today
Alejandro did not come to pay the visit he had promised last week.
It was fine, because Thursday night I came home from work at 10PM, and left again at 6AM on Friday, so I was exhausted. He called on Thursday afternoon, and said he was busy with work and tired, and I said fine, then he promised he would swing by on Monday or Tuesday. It’s been a while since we last met, so I was looking forward to it. He sent me a couple text later Thursday evening, apologizing again and reiterating his promise to come by early this week.

He did not come or call, and I really feel rejected.
I know it’s silly, but that’s the way I feel. It’s just because he feels so compelled to make promises, and then he doesn’t keep them. Last night I could have called and told him to bring his lousy ass to my place, and he would have done it. But I don’t wanna be clingy. It’s not just with Alejandro: I’m like that with most of my friends. I want them to seek me. And nobody did it over the last two or three days. This makes Alejandro’s silence way worse.

So Matilda wondered about our relationship. The truth is, I cannot trust Alejandro as a boyfriend, I never could, and I could not rely on him. I mean, let’s face it, over the last 6 years he cheated on every single girlfriend he had. And I know it for sure, since he’s cheated on them with me. I’m no saint lovelies. So I think Alejandro would make a lousy version of what I call a boyfriend. And today he also happens to be a lousy friend, but at least he’s RELIABLE as a friend: should I need anything, he’d come over for sure.

Maybe he’s just avoiding me because he knows I’m fat right now. But I will get better. I will.

A slightly positive note: this morning I was 126.1 lbs. It’s not good enough, but at least it’s SOMETHING, a little step in the right direction I guess. I have only eaten soup (not much), spinaches, salad (no sauce) and green apples over the last two days. I’ll try to stick to this regimen.
Take care lovely readers.

04 May 2010

Allergies suck

Can you believe I’m still stuck at 128.2 stupid damned lbs?
But only after eating only soup yesterday (okay I cheated with half a cup of special K, but I still went to sleep VERY hungry).
I hit the gym this morning, even though in these days this means biking 15 supplementary minutes under pouring rain to get to work afterwards. The main issue is, now that the bronchitis is gone, my allergies are in full swing, and I have a hard time breathing. Hence, I have a hard time running.

Now running is what keeps me alive when work gets tough (and by “work gets tough” I mean when I work ove 14 hours a day for weeks). Because I’m insomniac, and running helps me sleeping. And it also empties my mind from work thoughts, work drama, it just frees my mind, so I need it.
I don’t take meds anymore for my allergies. Antihistaminic won’t do, and I used to do cortisone, but I went up to 100mg a day, for weeks. In first place, cortisone makes you AWFULLY FAT. In second place, when you do 100mg a day, you stop sleeping. Seriously, it feels like drinking 10 red bulls right before you go to bed, you just can’t close your eyes. And your hands start to shake. The upside? You breathe awfully well, AND all the crickets in your neck are gone, and man, when you run it feels like flying.
I used cortisone during hard work periods, but I’m trying to stay away from it. Last year, I managed to go through spring with no cortisone at all.

What else, skinnies? Oh, in first place, I looooove you followers, you totally motivate me and I swear last night when I wanted to binge I thought of you and it helped me stop halfway through the cup of Special K.
I know most people blogging about weight loss etc etc are waaaayy younger than I am, but I simply was naturally skinny when I was 19 or so. I just didn’t have the issue.
Okay, enough hypochondria. Something funnier happened over the last weeks. I don’t know why, but in 2010, it seems all the guys that have rejected me like shit are popping up again, sending me messages on Facebook and so on, when I NEVER EVER reached out for them in first place. I’ll tell you more about this tomorrow.

Stay strong beauties!!

03 May 2010

Old clothes

The weekend was a tiny bit less of a binge festival than usually. However, since it poured rain all the time, I did nothing but laying on the couch for two long days. It sucked big time.
In addition, I had planned to go by a Vespa (something I’ve been wanting to do for years) on Saturday, but I had totally forgotten it was May 1, therefore everything was CLOSED. Bleah.

Yesterday I helped my mother sorting her old clothes, in order to decide what to keep and what to thrpow away.
Of course we tried on almost everything, included my shorts from when I was 14… UGH man, that suuuuucked I looked horrible in them.
Mom needs dieting as well. However, instead of throwing the shorts away, I took them back to my place and will keep them somewhere I can try them on often that shall be my thinspiration.
Like every Monday, I could not get on the scale this morning, so no stats. I hope I did not gain weight over the weekend, but we’ll see tomorrow.

Also, I’ve been tagged by Mathilda!
So, here we go

1. Worst pet peeves?
I bite my nails. Like, I bite my fingers to the bone. Disgusting, I know.
2. Place you wish you could be right now?
I wish I could spend a week with my eldest brother, who currently lives in Maldives
3. What food is the hardest to no to?
Pasta. Living in Italy, I am constantly exposed to beautiful, tasty dishes of pasta.
4. If you're told that you're gonna die within 1 week, what would you do?
I’d stop cleaning! Lol! No, seriously, I’d probably fast in order to be skinny at my funeral. And I’d surely spend time with my family.
5. Best technique to make your parents think you've eaten?
Well, luckily I live on my own, but I do spend most weekends at my parents’ place. And there is no way I can skip family meals. It’s simply impossible. Until I was 18, however, I hated eating (like, I never experienced hunger. I know, that’s YOUR dream, huh? Well, it’s mine as well, unluckily, it’s gone. However, I simply wasn’t hungry and my BMI never passed 15 until I was 19. So the parents kept struggling to make me eat, and most meals were filled with drama. Just think that, until I was 7, I refused to eat anything but milk and eggs.)

Okay, so I’m tagging LAUR, and here are my questions:
  1. Fave piece of your wardrobe you don’t fit in, and you really want to get skinnier in order to wear it again?
  2. Worst food temptation?
  3. What’s your favourite treat for having lost weight?
  4. What is that you’d never ever change about your body?
  5. Do you think in Kg or in lbs? why?

How do you react, after binging? Do you take it out on other people?

That’s it for today
Stay thin lovelies