Back to black

Back in Milano

but this is not the Milano I craved, I loved and hated. No movida, no aperitivo, no skinny bitches around.

No drugs

No office life, and no after-office parties

In a way, timing is perfect. It may be time to quit the overgrown teenage way of life we've had so far, and live like adults. Might I find enough traction in this, enough desire to maintain a decent body?

We'll see.



Post Scriptum
6 months have passed from my knee surgery and I cannot stay on all fours. it is completely impossible. How can I explain my physical therapist that my (already modest) sex life suffers a significant impairment because of this?

Wedding party

At our friends wedding, we're having big fun. Many of these people work for TV, and they know how to throw a party.

It's the end of August, the last real day of summer, and everyone feels this (despite the heat that is still going on and on and on, relentless over the past three months and tonight). Everyone is having fun, but they seem to put some extra energy in their having fun.

It seems like a scene from The Great Gatsby.

Crossing the renaissance villa's Italian gardens (facing the sea), I see my husband. standing tall and suntanned among the other people. His back straight, his stance confident, he's one of the few men who do not look overwhelmed by the heat. He's confident, at ease.

And I remember when I met him, it was so clear he was the only one for me.
We both knew it, right away, and as the years went on, things got more difficult - we were faced with more challenges.

I begged him to stay, try to remember what we had in the beginning.

He is charismatic, magnetic, electric, and everybody knows it. When he walks in, everyone stands up to talk to him.

I always have the sense that he is torn between being a good person and missing out on all the opportunities that life can offer a man as magnificent as him.

And in that way, I... understand him.

And I love him, I love him, I love him.



Post Scritptum
the politics opportunity is real. But
 would anyone really want to get involved in politics in this country?
 this people have a lot to hide, and I know some. I know they earn a lot that if off the records, and I'm not sure if there is worse than that
So I don't really think I'll do it.
I'm not going to say I sleep easily, as anxiety is big these days. But at least it's anxiety about what I do, and it's not guilty feeling (ok, lots of guilty feelings 'bout food, but you know what I mean LOL).

too late for revenge

Dear Vivien,
so they fired the asshole CEO who made you miserable.
The same one who wouldn't look me in the eye at your funeral.

But it's too late, ain't it?

It's not even revenge, after all, he's retiring as a millionaire, and I don't care.

Maybe, at least, things will improve for those who stayed in the company.

My friend, it's been 5 months and the worst part is there is noone I can talk to about you.

Summer is coming with news and memories

I remember when life was slow.

In my country, kids enjoy a solid three months summer break from school (albeit they have very few days off during the rest of the year). When I was a kid, living in the countryside, we enjoyed a lot of freedom.

Most of the kids I knew had chores to do in the morning, and then, from noon to supper (which would be typically at 7.30 or 8 PM were completely free. Most of us had bikes, and living by a lake offered infinite opportunities, from swimming, to diving, to explore small canyons, anything really.

But looking back, what really pops into my mind was a lazy rainy afternoon spent watching the Olympic games (something that involved horse I remember) with my mother, who apparently was also able to waste time as well (she was a teacher, so she too had a long summer break).

I am kinda jealous about this – I’ve just booked an appointment with the hairdresser… at 7AM tomorrow morning, which sounds downright wrong, but I’m so glad he’s agreed to see me that early.

But let’s face it, tomorrow the official communication is coming, I’m getting promoted to non equity partner, and celebration is in order. My friend Daniela is becoming equity partner, Matt as well, we’ve booked the winery in the city center, and life is good right? I just hope to fit into that blue dress from last summer’s weddings.

Winter is here

Every new beginning feels harder, but this year feels like I have so much to prove and so many achievements to make gathering on my shoulders.

Work keeps getting more and more demanding. There is some talk going on about making me junior (non equity) partner in June, which would be a first step towards being equity partner in 12 more months; but... I don't know how realistic this can be. I should be working on my business case, instead I'm doing real work for something like 60 hours a week (sometimes 70). I can't work more than I've been doing in November and December; I've already been on the edge of a melt-down, and I've been stressing so much I spent a few nights puking already. So I guess we'll see, but I really shouldn't fantasize too much on this.

I really need to train more and eat better. While training wise I've been good over holidays, and I've already booked a few sessions with a PT to kick-start the year, the problem of course is keep training when work kicks in so hard. I aimed at running 1000km in 2017, and I barely ran 750km, and the figures of Nov and Dec are embarrassing low.

I'm at my highest weight of the last 8 years. during these days when I throw in 12 hours, plus one to go and get back from work, lunch break end in me finding consolation in food. When I come home, hubby is sometimes asleep. We spend one hour together in the morning waking up, having breakfast and talking, and then everything cycles back to madness.

Will I ever feel sexy again?

I need to train, restrict and focus. Winter will end, longer and warmer days will come. I can make it. you too, lovelies.