Showing posts with label purging. Show all posts
Showing posts with label purging. Show all posts

23 February 2019

I do it for me, and I lie for you

When we come home, after the dinner out with friends, I wait until you go out on the balcony to smoke. As soon as you close the door behind you, I puke as fast as I can, flush, flush a second time, and hurry to brush my teeth.
Do you really never notice?
Mind you, I'm happy that you don't. If you did, this would lead to endless fighting.
But I do wonder, how can you not notice that my eyes are so suddenly bloodshot? You don't notice my foul breath because you don't relly smell anything, even the doctor said your sense of smell is 80% fucked. But you don't notice my red eyes, nor my puffy eyes and eybags in the morning, becuase every time you are drunk I think.

Forgive me for this lie, my love. I do it for myslef, but I lie for the sake of our love. You will never understand this, and I love you too much.

And then sometimes, only sometimes, I wonder... what do you do that I do not notice?

16 January 2019

Following the roadmap

Strangely, I'm keeping on with the diet.
Granted, I never manage to follow it literally: from Monday to Friday I tend to have 1 day when I eat a tiny bit more than I should (since I end up having lunch with someone for work), and 4 days in which I eat way less than I should (no lunch and very little for dinner).
I do not drink all the proteins I should - it is impossible for me.
Then from Saturday evening to Sunday night I binge (and sometimes puke on Sunday nights).

Following this unhealthy roadmap, I dropped almost 5 kg (a bit more than 10 pounds). And somehow I am at the lowest weight over the past 12 months. I also lost 6cm of waist and 2 at my right tight level.

When I started the diet I ordered a bikini from lovekini

In 9 days we're flying to Maldives for a week off - of course I had hoped to be below 60kg (132 pounds) but it looks like it's impossible (I'm 62.9kg now, thus 138.7lbs).
Still, better than last summer and of course I shall resume the diet as soon as I'm back.

Workwise, it is now clear I'll not become equity partner this year. Hopefully next one, meanwhile I need to bring my skinny me back