31 August 2010

Tuesday stays for Total abstention from food...

Yesterday I binged like a mad Mia. Steve had to leave for work, and he'll be away for the week. I don't know how I'll deal once he'll move to London.
All I know is after yesterday super binge, I woke up this morning at 123.5lbs (56kg). FUCK ME!!!

So, I hit the gym (pretty hard), and I'm water/coffee (no sugar) fasting today. I'll try to stay on liquid fast until Friday night. I want to be 114.6 lbs (52kg) by the end of September. I NEED to get there.

Oh, and since Marcus asked, my fave junk food is not sold in Italy (luckily). It's Hula Hoops, you know those potato chips rings they sell in the UK? yeah....

I miss Steve.... badly.

Love you all, let me know if anyone's fasting with me!!!

26 August 2010

Oh crap!

Oh, getting back to the normal life is hard people.

Therefore my lack of decent posts.

I won’t even apologize though, because I am under the impression most of you are away as well.

Let’s get straight to point 1: I woke up at 120.5lbs. Proceeded puking (no, I’m not falling in love with Mia, I just drank too much last night).

I woke up at 5.30AM, by the way. Why so much suffering? Because Steve had to fly to London to discuss about the possibility he might work for our London office for 18 months.

So yeah, today I’m quite unhappy, and I took full advantage of my unhappiness (i.e. I’m fasting). He’ll be back tonight.

Also, he’s moving in with me. I know, this is pure madness. And I’m hopelessly in love.

24 August 2010

All I can do is try

Well I'm back.
Fat, tired of working after only 2 days at the office, but so happy to be totally in love.

A bit less happy to be up to almost 122lbs. But I'll work on that, I promise.

On a positive note, Steve doesn't let me binge.
I love him, man I do.

I'll try to put together a decent post tomorrow. In the meanwhile, enjoy this thinspiration of mine.

06 August 2010

See you in two weeks!!


I'm going on vacation, and most likely will not have internet access until August 23.
I'm still 119 lbs, will work on that while away.
Things with Steve are amazing.

I will miss you and think about you and restrict. I promise.

I love you all.

04 August 2010

WTF Wednesday

Let's start on a good note: I'm back to 119lbs, AND I got laid.
Yeah, last night Steve and I hung out like old times at our local pub, drank some beer, chatted, went back to my place, I made ice shaked coffee (typical Italian stuff), we started making out in total relax, and somehow... we got to the point. Finally!

On a less positive note, I attended a work meeting today that ended in a business lunch. So I simply had to eat and break the fast.
I'm really really sorry. I wasn't even hungry. Fuck work. However, I'm not going to eat again until Saturday at lunch.

Sorry this post sucks, I gotta go back at work!

03 August 2010

Truly fasting Tuesday!

The fasting is going well.

Group-fasting is always the best. Last night I had Steve and Kat at my place for dinner, and I managed to keep fasting because I thought of you. Am now at 48 solid hours of fasting, and man, I needed it after the weekend binges: this morning I was a scary 120.37lbs!!!

My sister in law took this photo of me last week (119lbs).

Also, something mind-blowing happened. I told Steve about my ED. Well I didn’t use the “ED” word, but I explained him that fasting and restricting are part of my lifestyle, that I end up eating so much at home that I need to compensate. He was incredibly understanding, and said that he has his own bad habits (he smokes like a chimney…), and then one day we’ll give this up together (his smoking and my fast-binge habit).

People, I may be falling in love.

Okay, let’s move on to something less cheesy (although Steve-related). THIS IS TOTALLY TMI, so if you don’t feel comfortable reading about sex and stuff, stop reading NOW!!

Okay, so the sex. Somehow, it’s not happening.

Let’s make a premise: Steve is totally a sex-driven man. The night that should have been our first time, well, I wasn’t on the pill anymore, and let’s just say he’s not a condom guy. Don’t even give me the full STD lesson, I know. But in real life, you need to make choices. So, the first night was dedicated to blow jobs (which he fully appreciates), and as soon as I could, I got back on the pill.

Then, yesterday I spent the whole afternoon messing around in his bed. We were having fun and everything, and all of a sudden he said “You know I really feel good with you?”

I loved to hear it, but I knew something more was coming.

It’s just… Usually I’m bolder

You know, I love being with you. It’s so much better than I ever thought it would be. But What’s the issue?

I don’t know. Really, it’s just not happening

At this point, I felt like the less attractive girl on earth, and my heart sunk. “Well, I guess we have a problem then. Because I really love this thing we have, but if you’re not into having sex with me, it’s a big issue

Stop saying stupid things Lucy, of course I am attracted to you and I really want to make love to you. Give me a little time, okay? I just need to get used to this. You need to understand I really am into you, and it’s going so good, I just need some time

I said okay, but I really wanted to leave and spend the rest of the day crying over myself, over my sense of inadequateness, over my fatness. But he wouldn’t let me leave. Because he knew I wasn’t handling well. So we fooled around some more (i.e. more oral sex), then I had to leave because Kat was coming for dinner. Steve realized I would spend the night torturing myself over this issue, so he came over at my place for dinner and stayed for the night. It worked, because I slept through the whole night. I only woke once, around 2 in the morning, and softly caressed his smooth, flawless shoulder, and fell back asleep.

But still, this issue is not a small one. Let’s be honest here: I’m 28, and I never got into this kind of situation. So, (especially from the boys): any advice? Right now my action plan is avoid building too much anticipation and hope that things will settle. But hell, I do want to get laid before vacation!!! So please, comment and give all the advice you may have.

02 August 2010

Motivational Monday

To keep things short and effective:

Let’s fast.

I started this morning, together with Marcus, Poker face (love to see you’re back sweetie), so let’s be strong together.

Lord knows I need some fasting. I messed up with food over the weekend, plus I’m back on the pill (sorry boys, I know this is weird) and it makes me gain weight. It always does.

However, yesterday I trained hard-core. I woke up in the morning and went running in the mountains for 12km, and then I got out on my kayak for 20 solid km on the lake. Then I went swimming, and to end the morning in glory, I got drunk on white wine at my neighbor’s.

The ex came on Friday night, and finally realized things are over. It was pretty awful, but at least it wasn’t long. Now, it’s time to move on.

Steve called sick at work, and asked me to pay him a visit over lunch break: perfect excuse to fast.

The truth? He got so drunk last night he couldn’t drag his sorry ass at work. LOL

Boys, girls, I love you. Let’s make this fast last as long as possible. I’ll keep the comments window opened as much as possible, so write if you need some support!!