30 June 2014


been at work for 15 straight hours with no break. Still a lot left to do, will prob reach 16 hours in total.
no lunch, no dinner
another day in paradise.

My period is 15 days late. Exhausted or pregnant?
No time to go purchase a test.
Not sure which one I'd prefer.

28 June 2014


I just..

I don't know

I can't keep up with this anymore

Been working over the last three weekends in addition to full week.

70 hours this week and it's only Saturday (Italian week goes from Monday to Sunday)

I never have time to eat - I end up fasting without even wanting it. This is very triggering. I'm not even hungry anymore. I just have a constant headache. Been having it for 10days now.

I drink fresh grapefruit juice at aperitivo and avoid eating.

I blurted out to a close friend (who is skinny and not pro-ana, Lord bless her): "I don't want to eat anymore. I just want to stop eating entirely."

Over the past week I usually had milk and cereals at breakfast, and sometimes a boiled egg for dinner. I also once ate 15gr of parmesan cheese, and one 0%fat, no sweeteners greek yoghurt.

(Sie kommen zu euch in der Nacht, Demonen (...) Schwartze Feen)

at least BMI is finally below 20.

I hate my German client. I hate him on so many levels I have a hard time restraining myself from insulting him in German all the time.

(insulting in German is so liberating)

I am despicable.

Mein Herz bMein Hertx brennt rennt!!!!

Now dear kids

listen carefully

I'm the voice from under the pillow

I brought something along


with this very heart I did it (...)

I'll sing 'till day breaks

A burning star from the sparkling firmament

I am so in love with Stefano, and yet I can't help my fear that thing may not work.He was away last week, now he's back. If he figures out I'm not eating, things may get out of control.

I don't wanna go back to eating

I just don't

05 June 2014

Ishould have stayed in Crete

Back to reality, work hits hard on me
At this precise moment my promotion is being discussed. I should have an unofficial answer by the end of the day.
I feel like puking.

In the meanwhile, my main sponsor at work told me how at Partner's meeting, a Partner said "Yeah, but the fact she married S is bound to be a problem. Eventually, we'll have to chose him instead of her, and she's gonna have a bad influence on him"
1. we are not the only married couple in this office and were not the first. we don't work on same projects. there is no fucking problem.
2. besides, this is unfair on so many levels, I don't even want to start sorting them out

this in a company where last month was dedicated to Diversity celebration.

fuck you assholes.

weightwise, things are slow as fuck but at least going in the right direction.
127.4lbs this morning (57.8kg). BMI 20.2