22 December 2010

I lost my muchness


it’s not getting any better.

On top of the frigging mess in my life, I’ve been taking antibiotics for the last two weeks, I’m totally deprived from sleep due to work, and I lost my blackberry on a cab that of course did not think for a second to give it back (I had Steve call the cab company, he denies he has it…).

Steve, who should have come home tonight, is stuck in Brussels airport.

I am eating a turnip (the thing I hate most in the world) currently weight 58.3kg (128.5lbs), and hate myself. I keep crying, working and cursing.

This is not life people. I don’t know what it is, but it’s not life.

Oh, and just like last year, I miss the company Xmas party, held in the most exclusive location of this uber exclusive city. But hey, maybe it’s for the best: how could I show up when I’m such a fat looser?

I love you all so much.

17 December 2010

Trying hard, failing hard

I am trying to hold it together by I’m losing it.

I spent the last three weeks working in a room that has no windows. Fuck, the lack of daylight is a well known cause of depression, yeah? I’m not at my office, I’m working in another city at the headquarters of the target of an acquisition. We have no internet access, no coffee machine, hell, we had to beg in order to have some water.

When I get out of this damned room, it’s night. I still have work to do, so I go to my room at the hotel (which is in the same building as the dataroom I’m working in), open my laptop, and get back to work until I move to my bed, read a bit, and fall asleep.

It was fine on the first week, now after three weeks I can’t stand it a

nymore. I need to see outside, whether it’s sunny, cloudy or snowing I don’t care, I just need a damned window. Better, I need to get out.

And let’s not even mention food.

I’ve been systematically stuffing my face with food systematically over the last three weeks. Being at the hotel I can’t weight, but I must be way over 59kg (130lbs). I am disgusted with myself.

This morning I finally managed to hit the gym and stick to plain bread and fruits for breakfast.

On Saturday dad and I are attending a party in the mountains, which mean we’ll have to walk/ski (depending on the snow) uphill for one hour to get there. Finally, I’ll get some fresh air.

Xmas thinspo for you, lovelies...

07 December 2010

Bank Holiday fast

I’m fat.

I ate like a shark over the weekend.

Now it’s holiday in Italy and I am working. I was away, in a different city but I came home last night. There’s no one I know in my city in these days. Nobody to go out, catch a drink, grab some food together.

As a consequence, I realized the best thing to do is fasting. I started last night liquid fast hopefully until Wednesday at lunch (the Parents may be coming to visit to see the Christmas decorations in the city). If they don’t come, I’ll skip the gym and fast ‘till Friday night.

And then I’ll fly to London, to see my love.

I know I keep bragging about our love, but I still haven’t written the essential.

He asked me to marry him.

I said yes. The only condition is, I’ll only marry him once he moves back.

But I woke up and did weight myself, and I’m 125.7 lbs (57.0kg). Fffffuck, can I possibly get married this fat?

No way. So I’m fasting.

I really want to spend the rest of my life with Steve. I love him, he loves me. We are not perfect, and we both know it but that’s okay. Because Mr Perfect does not exist. He’s Mr. I’m In Love With, and that’s way more than I’ve experienced in a very long time.

I love you all sweeties. I’m sorry I’ve been blogging so randomly, being away is always complicated. I keep reading you. You are the best!

A bit of Christmas thisnpiration

How could anyone not love Alessandra? Impossible, the bitch's just too lovely