La Dolce Vita

I spent the weekend at the parents’ place, by the lake, as usual.

I wish I could say I stayed away from the boys, but of course it’s not true: I exchanged phone calls and emails with Boyfriend, Steve and Alejandro. UGH.

I didn’t do much on Saturday, because the weather wasn’t great. I just cooked lunch for Bro’s family, over ate, hung out with my mother, and then cooked dinner for mom, granny and her sister, over-ate.

Right after cleaning up the kitchen, Bro called me saying he was going to run a match race (like a regatta but with two boats only) at night, and offering me to join. Of course I said yes! The night was warm but very windy, so I grabbed my wetsuit and threw it in my bag with all my staff and ran out.

Bro was waiting for me with the tender and before he started rowing he cracked a bottle of beer open and gave it to me.

“A storm is coming, sis. Do you have the guts for this?” he teased me

“Man up Bro, because if you’re in, I’m in!”

Needless to say, while I was climbing into the boat, Bro’s buddies grab my bag and threw me into the water, so I was totally soaked before even starting!! Oh, and I managed to dive without losing my bottle, so Bro was all “look at my Sis, she’s the best, you throw her into the water but no matter what she won’t lose her booze!”.

I quickly changed into my wetsuit, and off we went. We sailed through the night, and the storm kept getting closer only to get away for a while and then come back. It was AMAZING; the lighting would crack allowing us to see the whole lake and the other boat, we would laugh, sail and drink…. It felt like silver screen.

I got home at 4, completely soaked (it poured rain around 2.15 and 2.30 in the morning), Bro’s kids were asleep as well as the Parents, so I didn’t even take a shower and went straight to bed, thinking “I want to live like this forever, I want this summer to last forever.”

Of course Mom woke me up at 6AM to go hiking.. UGH. Whatever. We did go hiking, and that’s good since I had eaten so much! We were back by 11.30, and I thought I would nap through three solid hours and then ride my Vespa to my grandfather. Instead, I had to babysit Bro’s kids until 7PM and then cook dinner for mom and dad. Needless to say, I binged, also because I couldn’t keep my eyes open. Well, at least I spent the whole afternoon swimming, rawing on my kayak, and diving, all for the kids, so I did exercise.

So today I had a 400kcals lunch at the canteen, all while watching the ana girl from work who only had three spoonful of zucchini, all the while staring at my lunch with disgust. UGH.

As for the boys department… I’m not doing good. I can’t help having feelings for Steve. Let’s be honest: I don’t want to cut him off and I will not do it. I only have a few weeks left with him, and I’d rather live for the moment right now.

I’ll go to see Eclipse tonight, and then I’ll weight myself tomorrow morning. I hope I didn’t do too much damage!!

Whenever I'm down, I call on you my friend

As I mentioned in previous posts, I do a demanding job. Demanding in terms on hours (can easily get up to 70 hours a week, up to 90 when weekends are concerned). Demanding because when you spend such an amount of hours every week working in a room with a team of four-five people, it’s insane (let’s face it, it would be hard to spend so much time with the significant other YOU chose, let alone with co-workers you did not choose). Demanding because it’s a male dominated world.

In this scenario, years ago I found out the only way to survive is have one very close male friend within your co-workers. Someone you can talk to when you need to decompress, someone who can advice you when you’re that close to lose your temper, someone who will take you to a quit zone of the cafeteria when you feel like crying in front of the team. Someone to grab an aperitivo with right after work; someone who shares the office gossip with you, who will laugh with you over the events. In short, someone you can trust.
When I used to work in France, I was based in Lyon, but would often work in Paris as well, and in Paris was my work buddy Kevin. Kevin tried hitting on me when we first met, but then we worked our way to a beautiful friendship.
Then I moved to Milan, it took me a while to make such kind of friendship, and then I met Steve, who also happens to live at 5 minutes walking from my place (therefore, extremely favorable location for sharing drinks after work and for walking me home after nights out).
Steve is not the typical guy I get friends with. A bit too obsessed with soccer in first place, it’s really hard to make him talk about himself (read: it takes a few more beers than I can drink on a school night LOL). But when it rains like in these days, and nobody’s up for doing things at night, and I get depressed, Steve is a sure call. So I called him last night and sure thing we hit three bars after going back to his place for a smoke. Yes, I don’t usually smoke, but we both really felt like it, so we just followed the flow.

But even so, Steve does not understand things like the guys popping out I mentioned recently.
Here’s the thing. Back in early 2006, when I had just moved to France, my old colleagues from Italy came for a job training of a couple of days and of course we went out. Among the others, there was this new guy really good looking, that all the girls from my old office talked about. Long story short, I got drunk and brought him home with me that night.
Then we had a short story, I paid him visits in Milan, and it didn’t work out. Sex with him was wild in a way that didn’t fit with me: I would wake up at night with him pushing his way through my legs, and honestly it was more scary than exciting. Anyway, he quickly told me he wasn’t committed and he was only interested in sex. Plus, I also realized I didn’t really like him as a guy, we shared no interests and he basically didn’t do anything outside work.
He pretty much treated me like dirt. The only upside: I was the one lucky bitch that had gotten into screwing the one gorgeous guy of my old office. Blah.
Then he disappeared, got a girlfriend, befriended me on facebook: in short, we haven’t talked in over 3 years. Two days ago I got a message from him (on FB), asking me whether it was true I had moved back to Milan. Of course he went on asking me if I was single, and when I said no he inquired whether I lived alone or not.
Shortly after, he asked me out for drinks, and he even wrote “How come we didn’t talk in so long?”
Now the real answer is “Because you’re an asshole”
Instead, I’m playing the game.
Because I want revenge. I’m a bad bitch, and I want him to want me and to believe he can have me, just to show him that I would never ever even CONSIDER kissing him in the whole rest of my life.
So I’m having drinks with him next week. I need to get skinny by then!!!!

Back to Steve, he happens to know this guy, because they’re from the same town. And I tried to explain him this situation, but of course he did not understand me, because hey, he’s a man after all! But he still cracked me up last night. The only downside, I drank two beers. At least I was still 126.3 this morning.

Lastly, I re-read a couple of ana regzig's posts. I miss the girl so much, and I still wonder what happened to her. I hope so much she just got fed up with blogging!

Allergies suck

Can you believe I’m still stuck at 128.2 stupid damned lbs?
But only after eating only soup yesterday (okay I cheated with half a cup of special K, but I still went to sleep VERY hungry).
I hit the gym this morning, even though in these days this means biking 15 supplementary minutes under pouring rain to get to work afterwards. The main issue is, now that the bronchitis is gone, my allergies are in full swing, and I have a hard time breathing. Hence, I have a hard time running.

Now running is what keeps me alive when work gets tough (and by “work gets tough” I mean when I work ove 14 hours a day for weeks). Because I’m insomniac, and running helps me sleeping. And it also empties my mind from work thoughts, work drama, it just frees my mind, so I need it.
I don’t take meds anymore for my allergies. Antihistaminic won’t do, and I used to do cortisone, but I went up to 100mg a day, for weeks. In first place, cortisone makes you AWFULLY FAT. In second place, when you do 100mg a day, you stop sleeping. Seriously, it feels like drinking 10 red bulls right before you go to bed, you just can’t close your eyes. And your hands start to shake. The upside? You breathe awfully well, AND all the crickets in your neck are gone, and man, when you run it feels like flying.
I used cortisone during hard work periods, but I’m trying to stay away from it. Last year, I managed to go through spring with no cortisone at all.

What else, skinnies? Oh, in first place, I looooove you followers, you totally motivate me and I swear last night when I wanted to binge I thought of you and it helped me stop halfway through the cup of Special K.
I know most people blogging about weight loss etc etc are waaaayy younger than I am, but I simply was naturally skinny when I was 19 or so. I just didn’t have the issue.
Okay, enough hypochondria. Something funnier happened over the last weeks. I don’t know why, but in 2010, it seems all the guys that have rejected me like shit are popping up again, sending me messages on Facebook and so on, when I NEVER EVER reached out for them in first place. I’ll tell you more about this tomorrow.

Stay strong beauties!!