29 June 2011

On Scarsdale

Previously of Waiting for the Miracle

It seems that my family is determined to spend most of their spare time telling me how fat I've become. This is even more weird given the fact they keep stuffing my face with food whenever I'm at the Parents' place. The Panther (aka Mom, who, FYI, is overweight) keeps bugging me, then comes up with healthy plans such as:
- having dinner at 11.30PM on Saturday
- Sunday lunch: fried pumpkin flowers (about 10 each), homemade mayo (about a lot too much each).

The only exception to this is Bro, who as always is skinny as a bitch, but who thinks a BMI between 21 and 22 is nobody's business but mine. I love Bro: he understands and never ever criticizes when I'm fasting, and he doesn't bug me when I'm fat.

As much as it may hurt my feelings, the parents are right. I look horrible.
Since nothing else seems to work, I have decided to (temporarily) give up my principles. I've been vegetarian over the last 6 years, but I'm going on Scarsdale diet.
Started yesterday, am loosing already, but let's also keep in mind yesterday I've hit the gym twice (yeah, 2 times), burning over 1000kcals only on cardio.

In the meanwhile, I won't be at the Parents' place for two weeks, so I really hope to drop enough to shut them up by the time I'll go there. So, scarsdale.
Start weight: 138lbs / 62.6kg (BMI: 21.9) (shame on me)
Day 2: 136.5lbs /61.9kg (BMI: 21.7) (still disgusting)

14 days Goal: 120lbs / 54.5kg (BMI: 19.1) (a little bit better, still far from my ideal weight of 110lbs or 50kg)

(oh, and let's be honest, 99lbs / 45kg would be even better)

I really hope this Scarsdale thing works.
Love you lots

21 June 2011

Another phone call

The Panther (aka Mom) "There's something I need to tell you"
Lucy "Sure what's up?"
The Panther "I met G, you know, my friend?"
Lucy "Sure, I saw him on Saturday night by the way"
The Panther "Yeah well, he told me he saw you, and he noticed how fat you've become"

anyway, I love this clip
and I love you all


15 June 2011

You just gotta ignite the light, and let it shine

Happy birthday to me!

Well, I didn't get Alessandra Ambrosio's looks (and skinny body) for my birthday, but
I am losing
136.5lbs (61.9kg) this morning. BMI: 21.7
small steps, but it's the right direction.

Also, Marcus message was a great birthday gift by itself. I hope you decide to stay in touch, my friend. Of course, whatever your decision will be, I will respect that, but I do hope you'll stay.

And, Ivi, I was so happy to find you!!! Your creativity always leaves me speechless.

Oh, in case you were wondering... I'm going to rock the city tonight. I'll be hanging out at Cavalli's place. After all, why bother living in the city of wonder if you don't take advantage of these things?

Love you all

14 June 2011

Stand there and watch me burn

Seriously, Dad.. what is it that you wish exactly?
I know what you think.
You think that I'd look good when I'm 110lbs (50kg), with a BMI of 17.5.
You also think I'd look even better at 99lbs (45kg), or BMI 15.8.

Yeah. You do, and you're right. The only time I actually remember you thinking I was too skinny, I was when I dropped to 90lbs (41kg), BMI14.4, and that was after two weeks of illness (most of the time I was actually unconscious). And I was 16.

But the thing is, I know you're right. I know you are, and I understand that you're ashamed of me right now. So I'll get better Dad, I promise. I can't promise to reach 99lbs,because I don't think I can do it while working this job, but I'll get better. The first 2.3lbs are gone.
So I'm now 137.3 (62.3kg), BMI 21.8. It's horrible, but it's the right direction at least. The first step of a long stairway to heaven.

Do you reckon maybe Steve will want to marry me if I drop 20 lbs? Let's try and see, shall we?

PS thanks for your comments, you lovely butterflies. I love you, really.

13 June 2011

Tell me how ugly I am, but that you'll always love me

Every year, for some reasons, I’m miserable for my birthday. It’s usually one of the worst weeks of the year.

Mostly, my family makes me miserable. They don’t mean to, yet they manage to make me cry every year. It’s true, I always say my bday isn’t a big deal to me, but hell, of course I’m lying. I do it because back in my teenage things used to go so wrong that deep down I’m still afraid of celebrations.

Steve will be away, since my birthday’s on Wednesday. That’s bad enough, but at least he’s flying in for the weekend. I asked him to take his Friday off, so we could spend a long weekend at my parents’ place by the lake, but when he bought the ticket he forgot, so our weekend will basically last one day and a half.

Bro promised long ago to arrange BBQ at his place on Saturday night with friends. When I called him on Saturday, to compliment him about his performance on a national regatta, I asked him about details. The answer? “Oh, I totally forgot. Sorry Sis, I’m working on Saturday, so that can’t be done”. I didn’t complain but it hurt like hell.

Finally, after planning the weekend with my parents, last night dad told me they’re leaving for a short trip on Wednesday and they probably won’t be home before Sunday night (we’re leaving on Sunday at noon, since Steve’s got his flight on Sunday afternoon).

Sorry if I’m childish, but I do feel neglected.

But the truth is, the worst thing is there’s only one thing that would really make me happy. The only gift I want is for Steve to ask me. And this is not going to happen.

Oh, also, Dad had something to tell me last night, after we went running 4 miles. He said I need to drop weight pronto. He said I look awful, that I’m at my worst ever and that I need to stop eating right now. And of course he’s right, but it kinda hurts when people you love feel that they need to say it, doesn’t it?

Maybe I shouldn't take love for granted. Maybe they just don't love me anymore because I'm ugly. And after all, I should have known it. Nobody loves failures.

07 June 2011

Back from wonderland

I'm sorry I've been missing for so long.

Blogger let me down, and for a few days I could no longer access to my account.
Then I went to Greece with Steve. It was amazing, just taking the time to lay in sun, share a drink, make love, sleep, swim in the crystal blue sea.

Of course there are downsides: I'm fatter than ever. Seriously, I'm close to my maximum weight ever, being right now 63.3kg (139.6lbs). BMI: 22.1

At least I've got a great tan.

I swear, I'm taking this situation into my hands. Went shopping this morning, and I did not buy any carbs, just spinaches, apples, fat-free milk and salad.
Also, I went back to the gym this morning and I'll strictly stick to a minimum of 4 training sessions per week (usually I burn 600 to 1000 kcals, because yes, when I'm at the gym I do work very hard).

I'll proceed reading and commenting you all lovelies.