06 June 2017

random thoughts

Last Saturday we ran 28km, with 800mt gain. (that's 17.4 miles, for you sillies, with roughly 2600 feet of gain)

Then I went swimming on Monday (1100meters, probably 1200 yards), and running this morning (6km on the treadmill, you sillies figure that out on your own).
Can someone tell me how the fuck did I GAIN 1kg over the weekend with all that running involved?

Marine, my skinny bitch BFF is flying in on Saturday from NYC. We last met two years ago and I look like a fat cow
Marina, who is probably 5ft2 for a total weight of 100lbs (somewhere around 158cm for 45kg) makes me feel ginourmous. I love her to pieces, but I kinda feel better that the husbands will be around as well (both our hubbies are big guys).

I miss Marina
I hate her for being so skinnier than me
I hate that she and Jon left us behind when they moved to NYC

I remember those nights of cocaine and champagne, sneaking into one bathroom stall just the two of us with half of the girls thinking she and I had a thing. It was so much fun

23 May 2017


As we travel up the valley, the environment changes.
I grew up in the Alps, so I wouldn't say anything is entirely unfamiliar, but this is exactly how I would have imagined Alaska. Days go by, and the river we follow upstream gets smaller but at the same time seems to carry more energy. Its waters, more and more opaque from the sand in it, begin carrying pieces of ice.
The mountains are what makes me feel at ease. Dark and towering over us, yet their presence is somehow reassuring.

Through my past vacation/trekking experiences, I knew how I feel about walking for days (weeks?). Something in your spiritual sphere changes after a couple days. It's no longer about "what time is it". Rather, how long 'till night falls, or how many more days will we continue.

Even the first snowflakes do not seem to trigger anything but subdued admiration.

All my family, all the ones I care about are united in this journey, and there is no need to talk about feelings. Sensations are enough.
I enjoy the cold, the warm sum on my face at noon, the sight of a bird stretching its wings before it takes off.

The realization comes slowly, it builds up in my mind day after day and when I finally understand why we are all here, I can't say I'm surprised.

We are walking to my death, and it is soothing in a way to know that everything will be okay, I'll die and the river will take me (?)

When I wake up, I'm not even sad.

22 May 2017

bikini time

truly yours, shamefully showing her belly pouch in Mykonos last weekend
(I'm the one on the left, and yes, the lipstick looks like I just kissed a Smurf)

13 May 2017

Self distruction thoughts

Walking towards the office in a gloomy weather, my thoughts are running freely, and it almost startle myself to realize the following have crossed my mind in the past few minutes:
- I should get myself some weed to smoke in the evening
- Do I have enough Ibuprofen for today in my bag? oh yes, I have 2 600mg packets, so I'm safe
- I'm totally fasting today
- Wouldn't it be awesome to have just a tiny bit of cocaine?
- Then again, Contramal [morphine based pain killer] would help me improving the quality of my sleep
- I would die to get thin. Look at that reflection on the window.. I look like a pig

For the sake of clarity, I may be using more Ibuprofen than what's ideal, but besides, the above are just thoughts. I'm working 14 to 15 hours a day, but I'll get a grip. Eventually.

24 April 2017


Animals are not that different from us.
It took me so many years to realize something so obvious.
We are running together and he is so my Alpha male, I can totally be his she wolf.
We've been running for 20km side by side and there are 4 more to go. I hurt. My hip hurts inside, my inner tights suffer from chafing and all I feel is the joy of running under the spring sun with my male
And for the first time I understand animals hurt like us when running but also they enjoy the sensations. And we can do the same