30 January 2014

get comfortablewith being uncomfortable

On the morning of the wedding, I was chatting with my hairdresser. (who at 50, has the hottest body in town).
We were talking about girls who like, 1 month before the wedding, decide to grow their hair. HAHAHAHA
and then she said
"It's like chicks who start dieting in June in order to get a bikini body for July".

This is so true.
That's why I started the 30days shred again, last Sunday (that and yeah, I look like an overweight hippo)

But I can'├Čt stop loving Jillian Michaels when she creams "You should feel you abs on FIRE!!!!!"

15 January 2014

consequences of NYE

...and then, when the cops show up at your husband's parents place saying they have to ask questions in relation to certain phone calls intercepted last 31 December, blame yourself.
fuck.
super fuck.

PS Am leaving for Germany in a couple hours, due to work meetings. I'm sure it will be nothing, so don't worry if I don't post for some days.

03 January 2014

Instructions on how to survive New Years Eve for a wannabe skinny

Disclaimer:
as you may have noticed, this is a strictly over 18 blog. I do not encourage doing what I write bout in any way.

FIRST
Wear something comfortable. The other girls, all wrapped in too tight dresses, will look fatter, you'll feel better.

SECOND
When you get to your friends house, check out the food and compliment the cooks. Before dinner I mean!

THIRD
When someone starts pouring aperitivo, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Blow a small line, oh, and before you buy some random coke, be sure the yours is cut with both novocaine AND laxies.

FOURTH
Drink some aperitivo. By this time, your from teeth will start feeling awkward. The bubbles from the champagne will increase this feeling. Try to staff some salted food in your mouth. It will taste like cardboard. Don't forget to keep complimenting the cook (with words, not facts).
By the first course, all your hunger will be forgotten.

Keep repeating when needed.

On the next days, avoid public activities as much as possible. You will poop often and conspicuously.
Don't forget to have fun and drink a lot of water!

Remember lovelies - bikini season's coming soon.