22 April 2015

I'm on fire

All I need to do, is keep on not eating.

And I'll get there

I'll be happier

Things are ..

I don't know

I worked 32 hours in two days

Skipped many meals and lost a lot of weight

A lot more needs to go

But my abs are kinda showing for the first time in ages

And this feels so fucking good I just want more and more

It's like my ED is singing into my ears

Hey little girl is your daddy home?
Did he go away and leave you all alone?
I got a bad desire
I'm on fire

Tell me now, baby, is he good to you?
Can he do to you the things that I can do?
I can take you higher
I'm on fire

Sometimes, it's like someone took a knife, baby
Edgy and dull, and cut a six-inch valley
Through the middle of my soul

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
And a freight train running through the
Middle of my head
Only you can cool my desire
I'm on fire

13 April 2015

so exhausted

I know I always write the same things
But they do get worse
My job was already incredibly demanding. Now, a lot of people left (mostly at the same level my husband and I are, which is right below partners), and we really are overdoing it. We both work in a ballpark range of 65-80 hours a week. We are at 8AM in the office, and never leave before 9PM, sometimes after 10.30PM. Lunch is a long forgotten thing, we have a salad/sandwich delivered. Weekends? We call ourselves lucky when we get a single day off. Two is a long forgotten thing.
I'm so exhausted...

On good news, at the relay marathon yesterday, I ran 11.6km in 58'11''.
Which means 5'10'' per km (or 8'05'' per mile).
Which, is by far my personal best.
However, I'm still fat.

01 April 2015

127.4lbs is my lowest weight so far in 2015.
It's really depressing.