Missing Wolverine

In sleep he works with me
In dreams he came
That voice which calls to me
and speaks my name
and do I dream again?
For now I find
Wolverine my boss is here
inside my mind


Dreamed of Wolverine (my ex-boss, here) three times over the last 4 days.

A sign? Dunno. I sure miss him at work. Stockholm syndrome? totally.

Civil War - part II

What we've got here is failure to communicate.
some men, you just can't reach..

Wolverine has put his 2 weeks. He's leaving. My boss is leaving and I'll be damned, for now nobody's gonna stand up for me when promotion time comes, or when salary raise time comes and so on. The whole team I devoted myself to over the last 12 months has left!!!
And he didn't even warn me. I thought we were friends, I really did.

(all these dreams are swept aside)

In the meanwhile, I spent 4 consecutive days stuffing my face with food, proceeded weighting myself this morning, proceeded choking when the scale showed up 137.1lbs, proceeded hitting the gym and running 10km (6miles) at a good pace, and then here at work. UGH. My life needs improvement.

I hope you're all doing good!

I don't need your civil war!

..and I don't feel fine.

part of the division I work in is leaving. Not as in a spin off: each Director and Partner is seeking a different job on their own.
The problem is, our division is deeply fractured by an internal civil war.
The problem is, I belong to the part that has lost the war and that is leaving.

I didn't chose side: they simply started planning me on their jobs (Wolverine especially), and then the others started thinking that I belonged to Wolverine and eventually I was "marked".
This was okay in the past, I mean, my choice would have been different but I did find my place so I thought it would work.
But now Wolverine and his gang are dropping dead like flies at the end of the summer, and I don't know what will become of me.

(remind yourself, that you can't trust freedom when it's not in your hands
and everybody's fighting for their promised land!
I don't need your civil war!!!
It feeds the rich, while it buries the poor!
...look at the leaders we follow,
look at the lies we swallowed)


Luckily, Steve belongs to the other side, so at least the risk is balanced.
But I really don't know what I'm going to do. This happens with the worst possible timing: the job market here is non existent right now.


On a more positive note, Wolverine prepared me a new training schedule which is VERY hard, but so far I'm managing to stick to it. There it goes:

Day 1 - 10km running at 10.5km/hour. No stops allowed
Day 2 - 2km warm up; 10 times 400mt at 12.5km/hour, with intervals of 1minute and 30 seconds between each 400mt, walking at fast pace (6-6.5km/hour)
Day 3 - two times 5km or 3 times 3km, at 11.5km/hour.
Extra day: 1 hour of cardio

Let's hope this will boost my metabolism.
Weight is stable. At least I'm not gaining. Am kinda worried about Xmas, but I really hope to manage to put in some extra training sessions.

Ana is my doctor

I don’t know what happened to me. Ana dumped me.

Doubt startin' to creep in, everyday it's just so grey and black.

Hope, I just need a ray of that, 'cause no one sees my vision: when I say it out loud, they just say it's whack!

But they don’t know what an ED is!

You came to me when I needed it, but you're either getting lazy, or you don't believe in you no more.

You're supposed to fucking be MY mentor, I can endure no more! It was YOU who believed in me!

Ana, I'm crying in this booth, you saved my life, but I can’t never repay you!

But I ain't giving up faith, and you ain't giving up on me: Get up Ana! I'm dying, I need you, come back for fuck's sake cause

I'm about to lose my mind

You've been gone for so long

I'm running out of time

I need a doctor

Call me a doctor

I need a doctor, doctor

To bring me back to life

Wolverine (my boss) is coming tonight. Working dinner, it’s gonna be hard (am in Tuscany right now, where food is so full of calories you wouldn’t believe it). I’m skipping lunch in order to prepare for it, but it’s going to be hard. Tomorrow I’m fasting. I swear, I don’t care that Wolverine will notice.

And after all, who am I kidding? Wolverine has just dumped his fat wife to get together with the skinniest (Topamax addicted) chick of the office.

Well, well, well

I had my wisdom tooth taken out on Friday, and it didn't go very well.

But the good news is, I still can eat very few things, and I lost 1.5kg (3.3lbs) since Thursday.

So this morning the scale told me 59.5kg (131.2lbs). BMI: 20.8, for the first time in 2011 below 21.

Not my goal of course, but a good start in the right direction.

The only problem is, my face looks like someone spent hours kicking it like a foot-ball.

Also, I have been training hard over the last two months for my annual mountaineering ski tour with my father, this year from Verbier to Saas Fee starting March 11.

However, both my vacations for the week of March 11 and for Easter have been cancelled at work, so right now things suck badly.

Once again, Steve's furious because he has taken days off and bought an expensive ticket to come here for Easter. And he's right, this is totally unfair.

However, Wolverine (my director) said "You can't expect to take days off AND be promoted to Manager". So what can I possibly do?

May Wolverine help me

I would like to destroy myself today. Yesterday I probably ate over 2500Kcals between food and white wine. Granted, my colleagues had at least 1000kcals more than I did, but what kind of excuse is that?
The thing is, yesterday we were told to take the night off and go out, have dinner and chill. (This actually means that we left the office at 8PM. We get to work at 7.30AM in the morning, by the way…)
Why? Well, because from today until somewhere next week, we’re gonna be in a crazy rush. Apparently we’re driving back to Milan tomorrow night, and then I expect it’s gonna be 18-20 working hours from Friday until probably Tuesday-Wednesday.
We didn’t have a single day off since June 1.
So, this stress is my lame excuse for having binged like a pig.

At least I went running this morning (although it felt like all the food I had eaten was there right in my stomach, going up and down), and then when I got back to the hotel, at 6.30AM, I took off my shoes and actually went swimming in the sea for a couple of minutes. It was amazing!! What was a bit less amazing was when the receptionist at the hotel stared at my fat, so visible with my wet shorts and top sticking to the fat like glue...

However, Wolverine boss drove here last night (he actually got here at 2AM and is in a bad mood, which makes him even sexier), so I’m counting on his support and I’m back to my fruits and raw vegs diet. I swear the man gets skinnier every week. He's the most amazing living thinspiration.

Not having a scale freaks me out. I’m sure I’m over 126lbs once again. Well, if I am driving back to the city, I’ll hop on the scale Friday morning.

Last but not least, hello new followers! I love you already!
How are you people doing? Throw me some encouragement becaus eI'm going to need all of it!!

I believe someone is going to help me

I failed yesterday. Hell, I failed through the whole week.
This needs to stop. Hell, I'm back to 127.4lbs. Almost 58 kg.
Since this morning, I’m only allowed fruits and veggies. No sugar, no oil, no sauce, NO BULLSHIT.
The choice is between FATTIE and SKINNIE.

I know where I wanna stand.

I’m working from the office today, but I stopped by at the market this morning and bought a bag of strawberries and apricots.
Will have salad at noon.
Will hit the gym tonight (won’t have much time though, I’ll likely be able to burn 300-400 kcals).
Will hit the gym for an intense cardio session tomorrow morning (when I do this, I usually manage to burn 800kcals).

And tomorrow afternoon I’ll leave again, back to the place I was this week, but I will be strong. Actually, the director will be there, and he’ll make me work like crazy, but he knows me well and will force me to go running EVERY morning and will not let me eat carbs. He’s an ex-fattie now super toned, and totally thinks I could use dropping 15lbs.
And he’s hot.
This kind of hot, actually.

(ok, he has less pecs than HJ, but still has these looks, especially when angry)

(oh, and yes, I know I need to get laid. I just don't have the time to)