Of hamsters and men

Now nonsense isn't new to me

the movies had that movie thing

But mischief knocked me in the knees

said: Just let go, just let go

(REM - Monty got a raw deal)

I'm pretty sure the Robo hamster female ("Meatball") is pregnant.

I, on the other side, seem to have all pregnancy related issues, but for the real thing.

Morning sickness? check

Head spinning? check

Fat? check

Back ache? check

Low energy? check

Weird dreams? check.

IT is quite impossible here to have a rescue place for small creatures like hamsters - we have lot for dogs and cats but I'm afraid Meatball and babies would not fit in well..

I'll probably be able to have a pet shop take them at the end of August, but not before. Husband is NOT happy about this...

Meanwhile, thing continue to be a bit awful. I work and work and work and am submerged by anxiety.

At this point, I am aware that any decision taken now would not be rationale.

What I really hope is to manage to take 10 days truly off in August and to regain sufficient mental balance to think about next steps. Or get pregnant, which would simply allow me to sit down, work a reasonable amount with possibly no bonus, and postpone any decision by 18 months.

Just to add a bit more stress, husband suddenly wants to quit his job. And leave me to be the breadwinner? awesome. Ok this is badly unfair from me, I just wanted to vent.

Oh my heart

I came home to a city half erased
I came home to face.... what we faced
This place needs me here to start
This place is the beat of my heart

I was getting ready and packing my staff when my nephew told me:
"so I really want to try this acrobatics class, but my daddy said that I'm not cut for it"
"I guess it depends Luca. If you aim at the Olympics, whatever you're going to try, at 12 you are too old. If you want to be more agile, and maybe learn a couple of tricks, you should totally go for it!" While I answered readily, my heart was aching - the kid is 12, for God's sake, why does my Bro crash his ambitions? Sport is healthy for him!Meanwhile his sister strikes a mean one : "you must lose weight to do that"
Fuck the little bitch - she's not even really skinny.
Of course Luca turns to get at his sister and I stop him and send her out of the room

"How many of us just had lunch together?"
"Seven"
"Do you know who is the heaviest among those seven?"
"Me?"
"NO!!! Absolutely not! What does your brain tell you sweetie? First you are not tall enough - but it is actually me. You got much skinnier over the past few months, and don't get me wrong, it is good. You want to be more slim? That is fine, and you are right in paying attention to it. But look, you are not fat, you are not. I am definitely fatter than you are"
"But you are beautiful"
"Thank-you darling, that's sweet. But it doesn't change things - I am a bit on the fat side. I'll be paying attention in the next few months - the thing is, there's people like your dad and like grandfather who are naturally skinny, and there's people like us who need to pay a bit more attention. But you need to enjoy life, and sport will always be good for you, Don't listen to anyone who tells you that you are not meant for a certain sport - sport is fun, and you should enjoy it! It's good for your body and your mind, and you should try anything that you'd like!"

Lord help me and my nephew, he's only 12. And it's true he used to be fat, but now he's normal - granted, not skinny, but just two months ago the kid ran a 14km race with us, he's healthy now. What the hell does my brother think?

it's sweet, and it's sad, and it's true
how it doesn't look bitter on you
oh my heart, oh my heart, oh my heart!