Cold as stone

You can sleep forever, still, you will be tired
You can stay as cold as stone, still, you won't find peace.

I feel I'm just spending (wasting time)

Only with mellow are you thin enough to slide through
Don't let nothin' ride you
If the sun or the moon would give way to doubt, they would immediately go out
Only one swallow doesn't make a summer - but you gotta start somewhere

I've been waiting, I'm still waiting, I've been waiting, I've been waiting, I've been waiting, I'm still waiting
I'm with you - with you IT'S ALWAYS ONE STEP TOO FAR
One step too far

Last night

"Are you driving home tonight?"

"Yes Mom, as promised. I'll chack on Granny as soon as I'm there"

"Good. I did not leave any food at home. You'll be better fasting anyways"

"Ok Mom"

(And what about Husband?)

Ended feeding eggs, salad and anchovies with cheese to Husband, and a small portion for me.

Today

Woke up extra early, Husband drove back to the city and I went running by the lake. It was awesome.

I'm no longer use to being alone. That's what years of marriage do to you I suppose.

Does Granny feel this way? She's 97. It's Thursday and she is not used to Mom being away. Called already twice this morning saying why did I not show up, it's Saturday and we planned to shower. 

Poor Granny. I'll go later today of course. 

Faithless

The fact that waking up at 61.3kgs (135pounds) and finding it's the lowest weight I've been over the past two years or so is freaking depressing.

The fact that I've dropped 6.4kgs from the beginning of December is a bit more cheering

The fact that Hubby has dropped 4 kilos without trying since Monday is fucking depressing. Poor Hubby had nose surgery on Monday and he's bee living on ice cream since. Had I done that, I would have gained 4 kilos instead of dropping LOL

However I'm overall on a good path. I've set up a routine that is, overall, relatively easy to follow.
I have protein shake for beakfast
skip lunch
eat chicken and veggis for dinner, or tuna and veggies. Sometimes I throw in some tzatziki.
I avoid wine unless on Fridays
I binge on saturday night and sunday lunch and than go back to routine

I still look and am fat. I hope to reach 59kg before vacation (3 weeks from now). Since I'll spend one week working from my parents' place all alone, maybe I'll manage (I have to stay there when they are on vacation, to be easily within reach of my grand mother and take care of her in mornings - she's 97 and lives on her own, but when parents are away it's up to me to shower her and shop for her).

I know how idiotic this sounds, but if I manage to drop 2kg in the next three weeks, this may kind of restore a little bit of faith in myself. Over the past 6 months, I haven't believed for a single second I can achieve anything in life anymore.


Lastly, I changed hair color, having it faded from bronde on the crown to caramel blond, with blond highlights in front. Still unsure about it, but IF I drop the desired weight I might post pics from my vacation