One week later, and I cannot believe how I could have doubts.
Steve is… I don’t even know how to explain. How different things are, and how unchanged at the same time.
The this is, Steve knows me well. He may seem to act like he doesn’t care certain things, but now I know he notices. He messages me through the day to make sure I’m doing okay (to let me know he’s thinking of me, basically. Which is exactly what I need). He helps me if I have difficulties at work. When we’re together (and not at work) he hugs me all the time, he never lets me go. And, while I’ve never been much of a PDA person, with him, I really feel like I belong into his arms.
I’m not doing great: I’m experiencing one of the worst phases of insomnia ever. Last Saturday I went sailing with Bro and others, and the wind was just too much and some of the ropes broke and we had some problems with the boat, so I hit my chest badly and it still hurts, so of course that doesn’t help sleeping.
Steve wakes up in the morning by my side and he’ll just know if I’ve slept at all. I was awfully tired last night, we got back to his place around 11 and went straight to bed. Two hours later he woke up and noticed I wasn’t sleeping, and started caressing/lightly massaging my back until I fell asleep, and I slept for 6 SOLID HOURS!!
Of course, between the insomnia, all the going out every night and the pain, I haven’t been really able to restrict and go the gym, so I’m still stuck at 119.7lbs. I’ll fast next week though, with Marcus, also because I’m back on the pill and this tends to make me gain weight (ouch).
I want this season to last forever. Work’s slow, and I’m kind of going out every night, taking full advantage of the amazing night life this city offers. I want to wear sundresses forever, I want to sail, drink, party… I wanna lay naked in Steve’s arms at night… (and no, we did not really have sex yet… but I promise you we will before we leave for vacation LOL).
Also, Steve’s almost 85lbs heavier than I am. He’s also something like 6 feet 5 inches tall (195cm), which means in my eyes he’s huge (I mean, considering we live in Italy, that’s really tall). I love it, also because… It kind of makes me feel tiny…
But I shall not forget my goals. I promise I will be 115 lbs by the end of August, and I really hope to do even better (110 would be just perfect!)
I love you a lot, I swear, I live for your comments!!