Your heart can't tell me no

"Why are you pouting?"
"I’m not. Okay, maybe I am, just a little bit"
"Oh, you totally are. You barely talk to me. So, you can develop or I’ll just go home Steve, because I’m tired"
"What did you do last night?"
"I told you, I was hanging out with a friend"
"Did you go to bed with him?"

I looked at him in the eyes. “No, I didn’t. Is this why you are pouting? This is getting ridiculous”
“I guess I’m just jealous”
“But I said I didn’t” – “That’s not all I’m talking about” he cut me off.
I stared at him, and he avoided my gaze.
“What is it that you want, Steve?”
“Rationally or irrationally?”
“Irrationally. What is it that you really want?”
“I would want you to dump your man”

Wow. I never thought he would get that straight to the point.

“And then?”
“I don’t know. But I understand your position, I do”
“So where does this lead us? Do you want me to leave you alone?”
In my mind, I silently screamed for him to hug me and not let me go.
He put an arm on my shoulders “No, I’m old enough to accept the way between the extremes. I guess we’ll just go on the same way”

Half an hour later, he walked me home, hugged me and started kissing me.

“Don’t leave me, Steve. Please, don’t walk away on me because I can’t take it”
He hugged me tighter “Okay. But I’m going home now”
Instead, he started kissing me with more urgency.
“Do you want to sleep here?” He knew I was not offering sex, but just some tenderness and cuddling.
“No, I wouldn’t be able to restrain myself” his hands gripped my ass “I’d better go now”
“Okay. Good night, and be safe. For what it’s worth, you know how much I care about you”

I woke up this morning at 120.15lbs.
Over stressed for this whole situation. I feel so bad for putting Steve through this, but I can't let him go. It's bad enough he'll move abroad in November.
Of course I had to binge like crazy at noon. Fuck my stupidity.