Of hamsters and men

Now nonsense isn't new to me

the movies had that movie thing

But mischief knocked me in the knees

said: Just let go, just let go

(REM - Monty got a raw deal)

I'm pretty sure the Robo hamster female ("Meatball") is pregnant.

I, on the other side, seem to have all pregnancy related issues, but for the real thing.

Morning sickness? check

Head spinning? check

Fat? check

Back ache? check

Low energy? check

Weird dreams? check.

IT is quite impossible here to have a rescue place for small creatures like hamsters - we have lot for dogs and cats but I'm afraid Meatball and babies would not fit in well..

I'll probably be able to have a pet shop take them at the end of August, but not before. Husband is NOT happy about this...

Meanwhile, thing continue to be a bit awful. I work and work and work and am submerged by anxiety.

At this point, I am aware that any decision taken now would not be rationale.

What I really hope is to manage to take 10 days truly off in August and to regain sufficient mental balance to think about next steps. Or get pregnant, which would simply allow me to sit down, work a reasonable amount with possibly no bonus, and postpone any decision by 18 months.

Just to add a bit more stress, husband suddenly wants to quit his job. And leave me to be the breadwinner? awesome. Ok this is badly unfair from me, I just wanted to vent.

and what if I did it again?

I do not expect anyone to be reading this from back in 2010. But back then I did drop a lot of weight, managed to reach a healthy BMI for once, with 115 pounds and BMI of 18.2.
I had abs showing
I started dating husband.

On this Sunday morning, while working (of course), writing slides on powerpoint and managing some admin stuff, I suddenly thought: and what if I really did it again? Instead of just blogging, obsessing and complaining. What I mean is, what would change if I did it again?

Beside the obvious joy I mean.
Work-wise, for example, it would not make things easier, quite the contrary. Sad but true, being the "once she was a real hottie" is much easier.


I can't control this flesh and blood
That's wrapped around my bones
It moves beneath me like a river
Into the great unknown

Nel deserto la nave abbandonai
Per me aveva senso
Son stato troppo tempo nella bestia
Ed ora saro libero

Someday we'll live like horses
Free rein from your old iron fences
There's more ways than one to regain your senses
Break out the stalls and we'll live like horses someday

Elton John and Luciano Pavarotti, Live like horses

I abandoned my ship in the desert

It made sense

Too much time being a beast

And now I will be free