Truly fasting Tuesday!

The fasting is going well.

Group-fasting is always the best. Last night I had Steve and Kat at my place for dinner, and I managed to keep fasting because I thought of you. Am now at 48 solid hours of fasting, and man, I needed it after the weekend binges: this morning I was a scary 120.37lbs!!!

My sister in law took this photo of me last week (119lbs).

Also, something mind-blowing happened. I told Steve about my ED. Well I didn’t use the “ED” word, but I explained him that fasting and restricting are part of my lifestyle, that I end up eating so much at home that I need to compensate. He was incredibly understanding, and said that he has his own bad habits (he smokes like a chimney…), and then one day we’ll give this up together (his smoking and my fast-binge habit).

People, I may be falling in love.

Okay, let’s move on to something less cheesy (although Steve-related). THIS IS TOTALLY TMI, so if you don’t feel comfortable reading about sex and stuff, stop reading NOW!!

Okay, so the sex. Somehow, it’s not happening.

Let’s make a premise: Steve is totally a sex-driven man. The night that should have been our first time, well, I wasn’t on the pill anymore, and let’s just say he’s not a condom guy. Don’t even give me the full STD lesson, I know. But in real life, you need to make choices. So, the first night was dedicated to blow jobs (which he fully appreciates), and as soon as I could, I got back on the pill.

Then, yesterday I spent the whole afternoon messing around in his bed. We were having fun and everything, and all of a sudden he said “You know I really feel good with you?”

I loved to hear it, but I knew something more was coming.

“It’s just… Usually I’m bolder”

“You know, I love being with you. It’s so much better than I ever thought it would be. But What’s the issue?”

“I don’t know. Really, it’s just not happening”

At this point, I felt like the less attractive girl on earth, and my heart sunk. “Well, I guess we have a problem then. Because I really love this thing we have, but if you’re not into having sex with me, it’s a big issue”

“Stop saying stupid things Lucy, of course I am attracted to you and I really want to make love to you. Give me a little time, okay? I just need to get used to this. You need to understand I really am into you, and it’s going so good, I just need some time”

I said okay, but I really wanted to leave and spend the rest of the day crying over myself, over my sense of inadequateness, over my fatness. But he wouldn’t let me leave. Because he knew I wasn’t handling well. So we fooled around some more (i.e. more oral sex), then I had to leave because Kat was coming for dinner. Steve realized I would spend the night torturing myself over this issue, so he came over at my place for dinner and stayed for the night. It worked, because I slept through the whole night. I only woke once, around 2 in the morning, and softly caressed his smooth, flawless shoulder, and fell back asleep.

But still, this issue is not a small one. Let’s be honest here: I’m 28, and I never got into this kind of situation. So, (especially from the boys): any advice? Right now my action plan is avoid building too much anticipation and hope that things will settle. But hell, I do want to get laid before vacation!!! So please, comment and give all the advice you may have.