What I've done

Last Friday, while fasting, Steve IMed me
Steve: “You in town tonite?”
Lucy: “Yup, cause I’m working tomorrow. Wanna hang out?”
S: “Am super pissed. Work sucks. Prepare your liver, we’re getting drunk”

Huh ho, I thought, I’m not getting THAT drank because I’m working tomorrow, but hell I DO wanna go out!

We both worked late, and at 10PM we met on the way to out favourite pub, where Steve ordered the first round of beers before I even walked in. the night was hot, kids were partying because the school is over, we got a table outdoor and started drinking and sharing stories about our respective weeks. I shared my concerns about Boyfriend and how I didn’t meet Alejandro, and Steve, being Steve, said I am a train wreck.
“Steve, be honest with me. You are a man, and I remember very well what you told me about your friend stag that you attended three weeks ago. Is my boyfriend getting laid in this very moment?”
“Not necessarily, stop being a train wreck, it depends on him”
“Why aren’t you looking at me in the eyes while you’re telling me this?”

Then we moved the discussion to his week: he told me he got a job interview for the London office (he would like to go there for 2 years), and I said I’m glad for him but sad for me. As I explained before, I do think that I’d be way more miserable in the office if Steve wasn’t a part of it. Steve was indeed stressed and angry, and had only started chilling, so he started saying that everything will change anyway once Boyfriend moves in, and I was a bit hurt, so I said sure, I won’t hang out THAT much anymore, but it would be just the same if HE had a girlfriend, and he agreed I was right. Then he really started chilling, ordered food, didn’t even insist that I eat (because I did not eat, at least), and we kept ordering beers.

Blame the night, blame the heat, blame the beer. I knew I needed a man, and Steve was there for me. We kept hugging, moved to another pub (closer to my place), kissed, danced, he took me on his lap, and then... I passed out.

I wasn’t even drunk, just hypoglycemic. Luckily I knew it was going to happened, and managed to tell him “Hold me tight because I’m falling”. And I passed out. Luckily, I came back pretty quickly, and he blamed it on the booze. But the truth is, he had had shots and was way more drunk than I was. So at 4AM we walked home and I thought he was way too drunk to go home alone, and I wouldn’t manage to walk to his place and back, so I told him to shut his big mouth and to sleep at my place.

Of course, we both ended more or less naked during several phases of the night, but no real sex happened. Sure, Steve tried hitting on me at various moments, but we spent most of the night hugging tightly. Lord, how I needed a little tenderness! I mean, he even gave me an awesome back massage early in the morning! And then I showered and went to work (which was hard, because booze without food and not even 3 solid hours of sleep….) and left him sleeping at my place.

I cannot say I regret it. I felt good, I felt protected, I felt desired. I know it was wrong, towards Boyfriend, towards Steve and towards me.
I think we can go on with our friendship like it never happened. I just hope I’m not wrong. I mean, later on Saturday he stopped by at the office to give me my keys, and we talked later on the phone because I had some issues at work, and we were normal.
I AM NOT SORRY.
Call me a bitch if you want.

PS I ended up fasting 30 hours, than I went home to see the parents and had to eat. But I’m fasting again this week, I'm probably starting tonight!


UPDATE: I started fasting, and the lovely Marcus is in as well! Join us, skinnies!!