In my secret life

Although I had at least 200kcals of French fries last night (due to celebrations with an old friend), I am still losing, and I woke up this morning at 134lbs (60.8). I’m dropping 250gr on average on good days (c.0.6lbs).

Depending on my mood, it feels somewhere between barely okay and definitely not enough.

But could I possibly drop faster? Considering I’m working every day well over 12 hours, up to 15? I mean, I even went to the gym 4 times so far this week.

Every time I step in front of a mirror, I expect to see the skinny girl I used to be. Instead I get a blobby mess staring back at me. I proved to be capable to go down to 118lbs (54kg) last year, but that’s still 18.9BMI. Still blobby.

What I want is what I used to be as a teenager: 104lbs. 47kg. 16.5 BMI.

The only time in my adult life I got back to that weight, I screwed up work, and that I can’t do. Because even if no money is no food, I need a place to live, I need to pay the gym fee, I need nourishment for my soul.

Somehow, after all this time, I’m still waiting for a miracle to come.

kinda tired

I've been working for 14 solid hours. I have 3 more hours ahead, than 8 hours off, than I'll have 15 hours working and 7 off for the next .... ugh..... 9 days.

(no I'm not paid for overtime).

how am I supposed to train?

anyway, I gained two kilos over the weekend, then lost them again between monday morning and this morning (wednesday). I hope to be 60kg (132.3lbs) by September 16. that will still be disgusting. Maybe I should aim lower.

fuck it, I need to get back to work.

lots of love

Time

It's awfully slow, but it's progress.

I'm at 134.9 (61.2kg). Disgusting I know, but still a tiny bit less disgusting than 138.

Work is awful again, I'm working with a two faced bitch for over 14 hours a day.

Luckily I'm leaving tonight for London - can't wait to be in Steve's arms.

In 32 days I'll be leaving for Nepal - goal weight for that date: 128lbs (still fat, but it's just a first goal).

Time flies, I can't believe summer's over, I can't believe September only has 4 weekend, I would need at least 7 weekends to do all I have to do. Still, weekends = weight gain, so that's a good thing there aren't too many I guess

Will update more next week - right now I'm really out of time

I almost had it all

What a fab weekend I just had!

It was the best summer weather ever. I was at the lake, and we had warm days, with a nice wind from the north, deep blue sky, shining water.

Yesterday morning I had promised to help out at my neighbor's sailing club in order to prepare food for the regatta; however, after 2 hours of chopping onions (lol), a friend of mine asked me if I could join him for the regatta since he was lacking a bowman and of course I said yes!

So I quickly changes from my apron into shorts, t-shirt and swimsuit and hopped on his boat, which is this kind of boat:

We had a lot of wind, sailed having so much fun and ended winning the regatta! Since I had plans with Mom right after it, I skipped both lunch and the after-regatta pasta party!

Then I went with Mom and Granny to watch the fireworks, and then...

....I realized summer is over for me. I mean, I'll be in London next week (and up there it's chilly already), and then it will be Fall.

The nice thing is my last summer weekend ROCKED.

The less nice thing is how all the people at the regatta made comments on how I gained weight since last year. And it's true.

So I came back to the city this morning carrying supplies for the week: zucchini, salad, and two eggs, all from Mom's garden. That's the healthy plan for the week.

I hope you all had great weekends, and for those who live in the Southern Emisphere: spring's coming soon! stay strong!

I tasted the answer and my body was weak

Let’s start again.

Summer is over, I’m back to work, another year is starting. I got my promotion (yay).

Summer is still here, with 36° (97F) outside, no AC at my place, and worst of all, me at 138lbs (62.6kg), BMI 21.9 (disgusting).

Now it’s time for a fresh start. I don’t have any promotion in sight this year, and I won’t let work ruin my body anymore. I need to train pronto, since on October 4 I’m leaving for Nepal, where I’ll spend 2 weeks trekking around the Annapurna with dad.

Vacation was dedicated to family and mountaineering (1^st week, including climbing Monte Rosa as I mentioned, up to 4.554mt or 14.941ft), and then to quality time with S, love of my life (2^nd week, which included some hiking, a lot of sunbathing and even more love making).

All in all, I loved my vacation. I am fat, but I will get better very soon. I know I can do it, as I did it in the past. I have faith in me, and I have faith in you all, lovelies. I am still catching up with your blogs, so if I haven’t commented on your blog yet, I will do it soon.

I love you all and I really hope you’re having a good time. I’m sending you strength and encouragement.