meanwhile

And I do keep running; hell, I'm even on track with my 2016 goal so far (I want to run 1000km, and I'm currently at 135, in line with the goal).
But I am so fat.
Hell, I've been below 130lbs throughout all 2015, now what is wrong with me?
Yesterday I even put in 18km under pouring rain.
Next summer we're going to the US on vacation, Colorado Springs (hub has some work there) + Yellowstone + NYC with my 2 fave bitches.

Whatever.

Chasin' you

These four lonely walls have changed the way I feel,
the way I feel, - I'm standing still
And nothing else matters now, you're not here
So where are you? I've been calling you. I'm missing you

Where else can I go Where else can I go?
chasin' you, chasin' you
Memories turn to dust
please don't bury us,
I got you, I got you

Runnin' runnin' Runnin' runnin'
I'm runnin' from myself nomore
Together we will win it all
I ain't Runnin' runnin' Runnin' runnin'
I'm runnin' from myself nomore
I am ready to face it all:
If I lose myself I lose it all

...

Where else can I go? And where else can I go
CHASING YOU!!


Meanwhile, I'm actually running quite a lot and dreaming of running more.
Today the sun shines, and I feel like I'll magically drop 10kg just thinking about it.

ordinary world

Came in from a foggy Thursday on the avenue
Though I heard Ana talking softly
I turned on the lights, the TV and the radio
still I can't escape the ghost of you

What is happening to it all?
Fattie someone said
Where is my friend Ana when I need you most?
Gone away!

But I won't cry for yesterday
there's an ordinary world somehow I have to find
And as I try to fast my way to the ordinary world
I will learn to restrict...

Passion or coincidence
once prompted you to say
Ana will tear us both apart
Well now Ana's gone out the window
past the rooftop, run away
left me in the horror of my Fat!

whatever

Been away for long, changed job in the meanwhile.
Now I'm working even harder than I used to (although how is that even possible is something too difficult for my micro brain to figure).
The new job involves commuting by tube instead of walking to it (and no, walking is not an option). that sucks
Also, I thought I had a friend, but guess what? In two weeks, not once she had lunch with me (and we sit in the same office).
I feel so lonely
and I am so fat. So incredibly, disgustingly fat.
This year my goal is running 1000km.
Am currently on track, also thanks to last Sunday half marathon (lord, it was freezing!). We have another one planned next Sunday.
The irony is Hubby, wh's always been on the fat side, is at his lowest weight ever, while me... I'm over 21.5 of BMI, aka near my highest weight ever.
ugh.

Letter to the skinny girl I used to be

Hello, it's me, I was wondering
If after all these years you'd like to meet to go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah
But I ain't done much healing (only fattening)

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million pounds

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry, for falling apart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore