The work trip to Germany represented all I want to stay away from: beer, fat food, carbs and lots of sexism.
Last night I had a nightmare, in which Steve dumped me calling me a fat cow. Steve, in the real world, thinks I am thin (how silly and lovely he can be).
Over last weekend, surrounded by spring at the lake, everything seemed achievable.
Driving towards the city's smog on Sunday night, melancholy came back inevitably. I can't stand this life anymore, and yet I can't seem to move forward. I want so badly to get married, and yet, I wonder when did I become so desperate about this?
I am planning next journey to Nepal, October 2012. Will I be strong enough to come back from there? I long for a life spent walking in the trees, crossing mountains, with only basic food and no temptations, where pleasure is achieved by laying in sun reading a book or stepping into a warm water spring to wash away the dirt from your skin.
Gokyo lakes, Cho La, Kala Pattar, the mystical Tengboche. Skinny boys and girls wearing the monks red robes.
I'll try fasting over a couple of days, maybe it will smooth my edgy feelings.
2 comments:
Good luck with the fast. I'll make it a fruit and liquid one and join you :)
Sorry I had no chance to answer your comment. I read it but wouldn't dare go on a ana-related blog cuz I only had my business laptop for 2 weeks.
Yep, Beer and carbs ... that's germany. Haha.
So was your trip that horrible?
you really want to get married? How old are you again? And how long have you been with Steve?
Nepal sounds lovely and I am pretty sure it's a wonderful place that helps anyone find something he's missing.
xxx
E' dolcissimo essere amati da qualcuno che ti trova magra, sei fortunata...<3
*Ti abbraccio forte*
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