Longing for something different

The work trip to Germany represented all I want to stay away from: beer, fat food, carbs and lots of sexism.

Last night I had a nightmare, in which Steve dumped me calling me a fat cow. Steve, in the real world, thinks I am thin (how silly and lovely he can be).


Over last weekend, surrounded by spring at the lake, everything seemed achievable.
Driving towards the city's smog on Sunday night, melancholy came back inevitably. I can't stand this life anymore, and yet I can't seem to move forward. I want so badly to get married, and yet, I wonder when did I become so desperate about this?


I am planning next journey to Nepal, October 2012. Will I be strong enough to come back from there? I long for a life spent walking in the trees, crossing mountains, with only basic food and no temptations, where pleasure is achieved by laying in sun reading a book or stepping into a warm water spring to wash away the dirt from your skin.
Gokyo lakes, Cho La, Kala Pattar, the mystical Tengboche. Skinny boys and girls wearing the monks red robes.

I'll try fasting over a couple of days, maybe it will smooth my edgy feelings.

There is a job.

Like no job on Earth.
A job full of wonder, mystery, and danger!
Some say to survive it
You need to be as mad as a hatter.
Which luckily I am.

Or maybe, on second thought, I am not.



I have been living on sandwiches at some random desk at work for 14 days. How am I supposed to get skinny? People won't let me in peace and skip meals. I take the ham and the cheese out of the sandwiches, and I end up eating bread and salad, but hello? bread is not okay.


(by the way, I love it when the MAd Hatter says "Why are you always of the wrong size?")

How am I supposed to concentrate on work, when I haven't been able to step on the scale (since I'm away from home due to work) this morning?
How can I focus on changes in sales, when I don't know the changes in my weight?

Luckily I'm going home tonight

Sorry for the lack of posting lovelies.
I need to focus on the weight.

I still read you though.

Tummy thinspo

On May 31 I'm going to Greece for 10 (deserved) days of vacation with Steve.

This is what I want to look like.

Motivation of the day

I always lost weight during snowy winters - why shouldn't I be able to do the same this year?