13 May 2017

Self distruction thoughts

Walking towards the office in a gloomy weather, my thoughts are running freely, and it almost startle myself to realize the following have crossed my mind in the past few minutes:
- I should get myself some weed to smoke in the evening
- Do I have enough Ibuprofen for today in my bag? oh yes, I have 2 600mg packets, so I'm safe
- I'm totally fasting today
- Wouldn't it be awesome to have just a tiny bit of cocaine?
- Then again, Contramal [morphine based pain killer] would help me improving the quality of my sleep
- I would die to get thin. Look at that reflection on the window.. I look like a pig

For the sake of clarity, I may be using more Ibuprofen than what's ideal, but besides, the above are just thoughts. I'm working 14 to 15 hours a day, but I'll get a grip. Eventually.


Aye Ell said...

I'm sorry to hear things suck for you right now. I've been smoking a lot lately too. It's been keeping me sane while trying to limit my alcohol calories. Meanwhile I've also been sick so exercise has been minimal so I still can't get below 154. It's driving me insane. I've been this weight for months!

Fated2One said...

In the past when I've fasted it was even harder to sleep most nights. Unless I was somehow physically exhausted- which rarely happened despite regular cardio- I used to lay awake while my body constantly told me to get more food. Well... in some cases just any food.

Curcumin, the active ingredient in Tumeric (the spice) has similiar effects to NSAID (ibuprofen class drugs) if you can get the active ingredient to absorb. Its just a possible alternative if you wanted to lay a little lower on the ibuprofen.

Were you totally serious about the cocaine?