When we come home, after the dinner out with friends, I wait until you go out on the balcony to smoke. As soon as you close the door behind you, I puke as fast as I can, flush, flush a second time, and hurry to brush my teeth.
Do you really never notice?
Mind you, I'm happy that you don't. If you did, this would lead to endless fighting.
But I do wonder, how can you not notice that my eyes are so suddenly bloodshot? You don't notice my foul breath because you don't relly smell anything, even the doctor said your sense of smell is 80% fucked. But you don't notice my red eyes, nor my puffy eyes and eybags in the morning, becuase every time you are drunk I think.
Forgive me for this lie, my love. I do it for myslef, but I lie for the sake of our love. You will never understand this, and I love you too much.
And then sometimes, only sometimes, I wonder... what do you do that I do not notice?
Do you really never notice?
Mind you, I'm happy that you don't. If you did, this would lead to endless fighting.
But I do wonder, how can you not notice that my eyes are so suddenly bloodshot? You don't notice my foul breath because you don't relly smell anything, even the doctor said your sense of smell is 80% fucked. But you don't notice my red eyes, nor my puffy eyes and eybags in the morning, becuase every time you are drunk I think.
Forgive me for this lie, my love. I do it for myslef, but I lie for the sake of our love. You will never understand this, and I love you too much.
And then sometimes, only sometimes, I wonder... what do you do that I do not notice?
2 comments:
he probably doesn't do much that you don't notice.
I don't think throwing up helps much with weight though. it never does for me. and it definately doesn't help your self esteem. x
I honestly never really asked myself that question. My husband and I are pretty honest with each other but I have never talked to him about my body issues and what I've done about it, and to the best of my knowledge he has no idea... I do go to great lengths to conceal it. It honestly never occurred to me to wonder if there is something seemingly so obvious that I don't know about him. Hmmm.
Also I miss you. Sorry I have been so absent.
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