stuck on the couch

It's been two months already and I can hardly believe it.

Current status: stuck on my couch with ice bag on my knee.

I finally gave in and had knee surgery last Friday. I'm kind of regretting it - it's so difficult to carry through the day! Yesterday I worked from the office and by the evening my leg was screaming in pain. Today I'm working from home and I'm bored and lonely. Sigh.

Also, being on crutches (and supposedly I should avoid moving as much as possible) means I burn so few calories that I'm probably bound to become obese.
My scale does not really work if I only step on it with one foot so I have no precise picture of the situation, but I do see my belly.

Well, the thing to look forward to is that on December 30 we're leaving for Dominical Republic, where a lovely week at the Hard Rock Hotel is waiting for us :-)

Cold as stone

You can sleep forever, still, you will be tired
You can stay as cold as stone, still, you won't find peace.

I feel I'm just spending (wasting time)

Only with mellow are you thin enough to slide through
Don't let nothin' ride you
If the sun or the moon would give way to doubt, they would immediately go out
Only one swallow doesn't make a summer - but you gotta start somewhere

I've been waiting, I'm still waiting, I've been waiting, I've been waiting, I've been waiting, I'm still waiting
I'm with you - with you IT'S ALWAYS ONE STEP TOO FAR
One step too far

Last night

"Are you driving home tonight?"

"Yes Mom, as promised. I'll chack on Granny as soon as I'm there"

"Good. I did not leave any food at home. You'll be better fasting anyways"

"Ok Mom"

(And what about Husband?)

Ended feeding eggs, salad and anchovies with cheese to Husband, and a small portion for me.

Today

Woke up extra early, Husband drove back to the city and I went running by the lake. It was awesome.

I'm no longer use to being alone. That's what years of marriage do to you I suppose.

Does Granny feel this way? She's 97. It's Thursday and she is not used to Mom being away. Called already twice this morning saying why did I not show up, it's Saturday and we planned to shower. 

Poor Granny. I'll go later today of course. 

Fuck off moon

After everyone else in the world, I finally got this fucking respiratory infection that's been running around the whole month. Husband caught it on his way back from Colorado (which of course was on the day Delta airlines fucked up, and needless to say he was flying Delta). Then we spent a couple days in the Swiss Alps, and 3 days in central Italy by the seaside (before the earthquake luckily) with fat friends.
On a side note, modesty on Italian beaches is unknown. I'm not criticizing (I would totally stay naked if that was acceptable, but even topless is totally unacceptable) but most girls (even fat ones) wear brazilians or string bikinis which are totally unflattering for most.
I did not gain, but I did not lose either.
On the sunny side, I'm back to being the white knight of the company at work (actually, I've even been enrolled for the stock option plan, which involves like 12 people out of 1800 - cute huh?).

Back o how I'm feeling - I've been at a different gym where mirrors are angled in such a way one gets a full view of one's back. I almost burst in tears. I knew my tights are huge, but... well..

And so last night I dreamed for the millionth time the same old memory, the time when B (who fucked my life over 11 years ago) told me "you no longer have the hot body you had when we got together". (by the way when he told me that I was a good 710 pounds lighter than I am now)

Fuck off moon, since that mess
Since that unlucky night
How long has it been moon? It feels like being left outside

I wonder what happened to the skinny girl I was
and to that bastard I still want

How long has it been moon, since I lost it
I even buried my heart
What happened to me?
I bade myself farewell

How bad it feels being so lonely
In these nights of damned dreams

What happened to her,
What did we make of ourselves?
What happened to the Lord: did he also bid farewell to us

everything's awesome

76 days to summer vacation

Liberally quoting from an Italian song

Even though everything is awesome

I'll try not to feel like it's scolding me

It may be my dreams are all wrong

are delusions

Right now they belong to me

Outside everything's aweome

Not making any sense

At the gym this morning - at the fourth km, almost passed out. Had to stop running.
Jogged 20km last Sunday with Husband and two friends. It was a slow jog, on a trail (with lots of ups and downhill), we took it easy and completed in 2h30'.

Weight is plateaud
whatever.

Allergy is taking over me.
8 days and I'll be in Crete.
Falasarna, Elafosissi, Samaria Gorges. Can't wait.

The word Falasarna is so ancient its meaning is lost; civilization existed there so long ago it's not even Greek. Yet, today, it's almost wild, inhabited. to me, Falasarna means paradise.

Also, found out the Spain thing is all a misunderstanding.

Falasarna

Elafonissi

This point of the Samaria Gorge is called Sideroportes (The Iron Gates). Makes me thing of Moria gates

In my secret life

For the first time in the year, woke up at 128.7lbs (58.4kg). 12 lbs gone from January first. BMI from 22.3 to 20.4.

Everybody's commenting on how I look skinnier.

I'm not asking for impossible things: I'd simply like to reach 55kg. C'mon guys, that's a 19.3 BMI. It's still fat, but... It would mean a lot to me.
can I be slim already? pretty please?

In the meanwhile, my best friend ever, who moved back to NYC last summer, called to say she's coming to visit end of May.
Oh, I was so excited! So happy.

Then I founf out she's actually going to Spain with another friend, and afterwards squatting at my place for a couple of days. To Spain, I'm not invited.
This is enough rejection to stop eating until she flies in end of May

Don't forget your vitamins, your water and your km to run. And say goodbye to Grandfather

My Grandfather finally passed away yesterday.
There's nothing there to be said, besides that at least he went in peace.

I've been good with my training program. I'm running 21km per week (gonna increase that progressively, but I don't think I'll get above 25km). Basically I run 5 to 7km twice weektime early in the morning and 10km on Sunday afternoons. On top, I do pull-ups, abs and lounges after running, and I do the 30days shred by Jillina Michales twice during the week. (Basically it's 3 circuits, each with 3min strength, 2min cardio and 1min abs, but it is intense).

S is gonna be in Rome for the next two weeks; I expect a significant upside for my restricting, although I will join him next weekend and man, Roman food is the most exquisite in the world, so that may be dangerous.

On Saturday I went shopping and refused to purchase trousers - until I lose a lot of weight, that is.

I started 2014 at 140.4lbs (63.7kg, BMI22.3) . SHAME ON ME

I'm currently at 135.6lbs (61.5kg, BMI 21.5).

On April 6 I'm running a 10km run with my boss. My goal is 55 minutes. My weight goal is to be 57kg by then, and 55kg bu May15 (when I'll go to Crete on vacation).

This is achievable. It is. So yes, water, vitamins and training.

Instructions on how to survive New Years Eve for a wannabe skinny

Disclaimer:
as you may have noticed, this is a strictly over 18 blog. I do not encourage doing what I write bout in any way.

FIRST
Wear something comfortable. The other girls, all wrapped in too tight dresses, will look fatter, you'll feel better.

SECOND
When you get to your friends house, check out the food and compliment the cooks. Before dinner I mean!

THIRD
When someone starts pouring aperitivo, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom. Blow a small line, oh, and before you buy some random coke, be sure the yours is cut with both novocaine AND laxies.

FOURTH
Drink some aperitivo. By this time, your from teeth will start feeling awkward. The bubbles from the champagne will increase this feeling. Try to staff some salted food in your mouth. It will taste like cardboard. Don't forget to keep complimenting the cook (with words, not facts).
By the first course, all your hunger will be forgotten.

Keep repeating when needed.

On the next days, avoid public activities as much as possible. You will poop often and conspicuously.
Don't forget to have fun and drink a lot of water!

Remember lovelies - bikini season's coming soon.

The doctor said..

I can train. At least, that's what he thinks. I'm allowed to do:
-10min on the elliptical, OR
-10min swimming (crawl or back)
AND
limited squats
AND unlimited pull ups (a if I could do unlimited pull uos...)
AND certain kind of abs crunches

facepalm

basically, this is NOTHING compared to my July training schedule.

ABSOLUTE BAN of: running, stairs, rowing machine, lounges and most of plank exercise.

I shit you not loveys.

In addition, I'm undergoing a therapy that is extremely painful and leaves blues all over my hips and legs - someone at the gym even asked me if I'd been in a car accident yesterday.
Anyway, I'll try to work on the arms and shoulders...sigh...

not good enough

Inexorably sliding into unhappiness

Hiked Monte Rosa (4.550mt) on Tuesday, and that helped dropping 2kg (which I had previously gained during the weekend).
(Ski touring like that corresponds to 8 hours straight at the gym - it is fucking hard and rewarding t the same time)

"Dad, Mum hates my wedding dress, and everybody else does"
"Lucy, it's probably just the picture that doesn't make it any justice. I'm sure you'll look great with it"
(thank-you dad, I love you very much)

Before the hike I was sure I was not trained enough and worried I was goign to be a burden for Dad and Bro.
It turned out, I was in the best shape, and I had to drag Dad along.
Yet, they are both so skinny, and I am not.

Finally, after my washing machine broke last night, my landlady apparently wants to move in, which means S and i have to be out of the flat by the end of September.
With our wedding on sep4, and our honeymoon right after.

Crap.

On a better note, we'll be in Aruba 10 days in September and then in NYC for 4 days. Can't wait.

Blogger on vacation

If you look for me

I'll be here

I'll be fine
Actually, I'll be doing great.
I should be back by June 10, unless I decide not to come back ;-)

xoxoxoxo

Fitspo porn - 30days challenge

Since I can't seem to lose weight I decided to embrak in something I've already managed in the past.
I'm leaving for Greece (=bikini) on May 28, so I started my 30 days challenge, bu which I mean that I have to train at least 25 times in 30 days.
Training in this case means:
- running 4 to 5 miles AT LEAST three times a week (5 to 7km)
- the remaining training can be taken from www.benderfitness.com from her month 1 bikini challenge, using 20 reps for each set, and going throuhg each workout twice.

I can do it.

In the meanwhile, as the lovely Peri says, fitsporation is my porn, so here we go...

Laminaria

So I finally got the infamous Laminaria Digitata.

Started taking it yesterday, after waking up at an infamous 62.2kg (137.1lbs), gaaaaaaaa disgusting.

I'll weight on Friday before leaving for Greece... my fat friend has been on this stuff for 3 weeks and lost weight for the first time in her life.. I really need a miracle.

Also, I called my grandmother on Monday, to wish her a happy 88th birthday, and she started crying on the phone. So not our style (we tend to never show emotions, in the family). I kind of panicked. I feel so sorry for her, but there is very little that I can do. She cried because she knows she's 88, she never gets to see people anymore (because they live in a tiny village of 18 inhabitants, and also because Pops has argued with every acquaintance over his life, since he's like that), she never gets to leave the house, she can barely walk on her own, and well, I guess this is enough to make anybody cry, isn't it?

As for the promotion, well, nothing's official yet, and I don't want to jinx it, but I've unofficially been told that I'm on the wagon :-)

Love you all

Classic beauties? meh

I have nothing left to say.

Each day I stuff my face with food and I don't dare purging... Mainly because all of my colleagues would be aware of it: I HATE WORKING AWAY FROM THE OFFICE. We left 5 weeks ago.

I'm leaving for vacation in 10 days. How the hell am I going to wear a bikini unless I lose at least 8kg (c. 16 lbs) is a total mystery.

Also, on Monday the top management will decide on promotions. If I'm not promoted to Manager, I may as well stop working and dedicate myself full time to job-hunting.

Okay, enough about me. In Italy, somebody posted an article babbling about how classic beauties are not skinny, and making them skinny on photoshop just to show how skinny women are not attractive and this kind of bullshit. Now, honestly? I'm posting the most famous pics, I think they're way sexier than the originals, but still a bit too chubby.

The original Gioconda

The skinny Gioconda

Botticelli's Venus

Skinny Venus

Magic stuff

Song of the day:

Monster,

how should I feel?

Creatures lie here

looking through the mirror

Breaking news:

Kat, best friend (fat chick) has just announced that she has started taking LaminariaDigitata 4 days ago and she has recorded a "Visible weight loss" (I'm not gonna ask her how much).

Does anyone know this thing? Recommendations?

So I kind of need this stuff NOW because let's be honest, at 136.5lbs (61.9kg) even I wouldn't marry myself. I pretty much feel marriage repellent right now, and let's not even mention I'm leaving for Greece in 20 days. Bikini panic anyone?

Love you all sweeties

PS I haven't slept more than 2 consecutive hours over the last 3 weeks... so forgive mistakes and ramblings... I can't breathe, allergies are kind of killing me. The only solution would be huge amounts of corticone, and right now that's not even an option

I survived Easter gaining 1kg.

I guess it could have been worse, but this leaves me with 32 days before bikini time in Greece.

My new favourite thinspo is:

So yeah. Embarassing AND pathetic.

So it's really time to gather our strenghts, ladies. Summertime is coming, and there will be no forgiveness.

I'm awake, but my world is half asleep

I. Can’t. Fucking. Sleep. Enough.

And, of course, this leads me to over eating. I know it’s no excuse. But it’s just like that.
Last night I went at Steve’s, where Alvaro and Mick were supposed to join us. I threw on jeans, a sexy top (long sleeve, bare back and shoulders), heels and a sweater for the way. I packed a bottle of booze in my bag and grabbed my bike. After more or less 3 meters, my neighbor dog jumped out of nowhere, I pulled the breaks, put down a heel, lost balance and, eventually fell. I managed not to break the bottle, but man, I landed hard on my right side.

I mean, who fall from their bike at almost 28?

Two guys passing by helped me and I was back on my bike in no time, and went over at Steve’s. Once there, we quickly got to the point (meaning booze and weed). Steve offered crisps, I declined feeling superior. Then Alvaro called saying he was stuck at work, and Mick got in soon after. Mick threw himself at the crisps, and of course, I quickly gave up and ate. Asshole, that’s what I am. At least, I really had a blust with the guys!

Anyway we had a great time, and I decided to go home around 11, because I needed to sleep. Once in my own bathroom, I proceeded to check the damage: my whole right side (leg, butt cheek and especially arm and shoulder) looks blue-ish. Back and neck muscles slightly aching. Right knee covered with bruises like a 5 years old. There you go, bikini look.

Now, I sleep on my right side. I may fall asleep on the left side, but I will soon turn on the right side. And that hurt like hell all night long. What’s worse, at 3.30AM, they started doing maintenance jobs in the street under my bedroom. Fuck. I probably slept a total of 2 hours, fragmented.

No wonder I felt like shit when I hit the gym this morning. But seriously, how could I skip the gym after that crisps binge?
127.6lbs this morning. Ugh. Plus bruises and swollen eyes. Not cute.

I can’t wait to ride my beauty tomorrow!

Getting my shit together

My allergies are in full swing. I spend the night between dreams and wakening, and most of the time I cannot make the difference.
Daytime is different. Besides swollen eyes, watering nose, and coughing, I feel like I’ve taken too many painkillers, I feel completely numb.

This morning I woke up at 127.8lbs. Still a fat cow, granted, but I know it goes by small steps (especially since I ate AGAIN yesterday, I estimate around 800kcals, but at least I had burnt 400 kcals at the gym in the morning).
At this point, all I’m asking is to be no more than 125 by Saturday, so I can go to the regatta and wear my bikini without being too ashamed of myself.
It will be a star regatta, like this.

On Saturday morning I also going to have my birthday present from dad finally delivered…. And I’ll be sure to post a picture on Monday, because girls, it rocks!!!!!
(My birthday is in June, but I’m getting my present early... you’ll understand why!)

The best thing about this weekend is that (hopefully) no one will make me eat. The Parents are on holiday, and I need to go home to check on my Granny, but I’ll be staying at home alone (Granny leaves very close), so no family meals etc etc. Yay!
The only problem is I still need to figure how I’m going to come back to the city on Monday morning, but I guess I’ll figure out something!

No gym this morning… I AM ashamed, but I was feeling too bad to get out of bad at 6AM. So I slept in ‘till 8.30. Crap. Well, I’ll make up for that tomorrow. At least, having skipped the gym, I’m not so hungry as I usually am by 10 in the morning!
Stay thin lovelies!