First day of summer

 Happy Memorial day to US readers!

 

Weight update:

I started this year at 75kg (165lbs, BMI: 26). Am currently at 66kg (145lbs, BMI: 22.8).

It would have been a 65 had I not been in Madrid last week (lus last Saturday - more below; however, Madrid was good. It was a meeting of the western Europe leadership for work, and everybody commented on how great I looked. At almost 44, this is still a trigger and I'm afraid I will not get better - I enjoy compliments.

 

 Tomorrow I am seeing the dietician - I was supposed to reach  65, but again, with three weeks of work-related travel, I feel it's still okay, but I'm keen to see if he will change the diet or not. I kind of hope not as I'm genuinely enjoying what I'm eating, but we'll see.

 

I have two goals that are so different from each other it's almost laughable. First one (I'm almost there): no chafing tights when I walk. I've been wearing shorts under dresses for so many years…. I think if I drop a couple more kg I will get there.

Second goal: I'd really like to get a 6pack again. I know, this is pure vanity but… I even have a few pcs from AFTER I got married where I sported a 6 pack. But I think I need to be max 55-56kg for this and it's a long way from where I am now so we'll see. I probably need an intermediate goal (first number to be a 5 - at 59kg I would be 130lbs or BMI 20.4).

 

I wrote that I'm fighting for my marriage to work - and I am. For the weekend I organized something: my team had gifted me a wine experience at Masi, a fine producer of Amarone in the North East of Italy, that involved a guided tour, wine tasting (5 wines) and lunch - so I booked and we went. I convinced husband to take the roof off the car (we have a small convertible) and it really was the first day of summer, we enjoyed the escapade a lot. Of course it was a disaster diet-wise, but at least I skipped dinner. There was also some sex on Sunday (but guess who got things started?).

 

Mischief called me on Friday night as he was heading to a show at the Sphere in Vegas and spent one hour on the phone. Half of it was in relation to some investment he wants to make and he asked if I could help him with this, which I'm happy to do. No he's not exploiting me - and he has helped me with getting insights and collabs with other West Coast people in our organization, which is not a given at all trust me.

 

A couple of pictures: first one was taken over our wine experience, and second in Madrid by a silly colleague

Fuck off moon

After everyone else in the world, I finally got this fucking respiratory infection that's been running around the whole month. Husband caught it on his way back from Colorado (which of course was on the day Delta airlines fucked up, and needless to say he was flying Delta). Then we spent a couple days in the Swiss Alps, and 3 days in central Italy by the seaside (before the earthquake luckily) with fat friends.
On a side note, modesty on Italian beaches is unknown. I'm not criticizing (I would totally stay naked if that was acceptable, but even topless is totally unacceptable) but most girls (even fat ones) wear brazilians or string bikinis which are totally unflattering for most.
I did not gain, but I did not lose either.
On the sunny side, I'm back to being the white knight of the company at work (actually, I've even been enrolled for the stock option plan, which involves like 12 people out of 1800 - cute huh?).

Back o how I'm feeling - I've been at a different gym where mirrors are angled in such a way one gets a full view of one's back. I almost burst in tears. I knew my tights are huge, but... well..

And so last night I dreamed for the millionth time the same old memory, the time when B (who fucked my life over 11 years ago) told me "you no longer have the hot body you had when we got together". (by the way when he told me that I was a good 710 pounds lighter than I am now)

Fuck off moon, since that mess
Since that unlucky night
How long has it been moon? It feels like being left outside

I wonder what happened to the skinny girl I was
and to that bastard I still want

How long has it been moon, since I lost it
I even buried my heart
What happened to me?
I bade myself farewell

How bad it feels being so lonely
In these nights of damned dreams

What happened to her,
What did we make of ourselves?
What happened to the Lord: did he also bid farewell to us

whoah

Summer's gone, and I'm so FUCKING struggling

I've finally had a SERIOUS business idea for a start-up. The only issue is, I really need to get skinny for it to happen. I know what it sounds like, but believe me, it's true.

Also, I'm back to virtually vegetarian regime. (virtually = I will eat meat/fish if there's no option to skip them without embarassing my in-law. So, I may end up doing it few times a year). I read one of those horror books about intensive farming and well..
I mean, after all, I have been veg for 8 straight years in my life so it shouldn't be a big issue.

Got a hell of a week - am in Rome now, will be in central Italy tomorrow morning, then Prague from tomorrow night till Monday morning, then back in Milan.
(upside: last time I've been in Prague I didn't buy anything to eat for 7 days. My mom had baked me some bread and I didn't touch any local food which I found, with no exception whatsoever, utterly disgusting - let's hope things haven't changed)