Overwhelmed

 well the title says it all I guess.

We left Italy on a Friday morning, and as typical, I got my period (since the period know when you have a 11+ hours flight), and it was a bad one, with an horrible backache and all joints (and the damn knee) aching for days.

Miami beach was full of springbreakers, something I would have loved 20 years ago, but I would much rather have enjoyed quiet. Actually the crowds were so bad and unruly the police enforced a curfew, resulting in police sirens and megaphones all night long.

The beach and the parks were really beautiful and the weather amazing. It would have been perfect, had I not been in almost too much pain to walk. Meanwhile, phone conversations with the family were full of cute comments such as "Are you really going to the beach? you are too fat to wear a bikini" and other lovely comments of the kind.

Orlando was nice, although, predictably, I got sick - I take it as a miracle that I did not get covid (2k people in closed spaces with no masks - insane), but the constant swing between hot wet weather outside and AC indoors is a killer for me. The even was beautiful, we had a private night opening of Universal Studios and a lovely evening at a golf place, with a DJ set, fireworks, amazing food and booze etc.

Meanwhile every single pic sent to the family whatsapp chat (such as the one above, in the new dress) resulted in more sneaky comments.

We got back. got tested (negative), and the first thing my father told me on the phone was I need to go on a diet. Cool huh?

On Monday I went to Tuscany for a Partners meeting. The place was lovely (see pics). I did make a mistake in sending a text to the family chat along the lines of "having a vertical tasting of Brunello di Montalcino right now, so not coming home LOL". The reply frtom my father was "You're not coming home because you won't fit through the door".

Frankly, I'm done. I've had enough. For the first 20 years of my life everyone had to stress out that I was not eating enough and that I was such a nuisance for not eating. Then 20 years of telling me I'm too fat. 

I'm fed up - hello, I do see mirrors, and I do own a scale. Just fuck off. No more phone calls from me.

Family shenanigans

 I started this post a few times already, and then cancelled it. I guess I'll try again.

Grandma is more and more volatile these days (she's 98 and in good health, but her memory is getting more and more fragile). She started sleeping most of the time, and has suddenly reduced significantly her food intake (which is a polite way to say that until 2 weeks ago she ate like a pig, and now she eats like a picky anorexic). We initially blamed this on a temporary effect from her third dose of vax, but it did not change.

Her sister, Aunt P, is really like another grandmother to my family: the two sisters were always close, Aunt P and her late husband did not have kids and she's always been very much involved with us. I remember that when I was a kid I spent a lot of time with Aunt P and her husband (as I did not attend kindergarden) and I remember going to ski with them, and even a vacation in Austria. They were such a cool couple!

Uncle passed away at 64, almost 30 years ago and our relationship with Aunt P was even reinforced while, as she grew old, she relied more and more on us being the only family left she had.

On Sunday I received a call from mom who was crying and sobbing loud. It took me a few minutes to understand that Aunt P, who is now 94, had had a heart attack. I was 3 hours drive away and sped home as fast as I could. Poor Aunt was home alone, and although by the time I got there she was already at the hospital in ICU, her house was a mess. The poor woman had tried to crawl to the phone but was not able to place a call - in the process, she had thrown up all over the place.

I helped my mom cleaning up the mess and regaining a bit of composure, and by the time I drove back to the city it was almost early morning.

She made it, but she was scheduled for another coronary angiography last night... which she refused. Dad, who's a cardiologist, says she's gonna have another heart attack unless she undergoes the procedure. 

Meanwhile, my grandmother keeps trying to phone her sister and complains she's never home - we've told grandma several times about the accident, but she simply forgets. And even worse, we all believe that her relationship with her sister is one of the things that makes her hold on, and missing her probably does not help.

Ah whatever, I foresee a difficult month ahead.

Oh my heart

 A couple weeks ago, we were spending the weekend at my parents' place.

I organized an aperitivo with Bro's family and the Parents joined us in our downstairs living room. We had a magnum bottle of excellent prosecco, I had baked some focaccia and my special bread served with a cheese spread, the cat did not leave my husband's lap for a second, even Meatball the hamster made an appearance. The fire was cracking happily, Bro and the Sponsor (aka my father) did not talk about hospitalcs for once (they are both doctors). 

By the time everyone was leaving I was mentally patting my shoulder for such a successful femily event, and then..

as soon as my mother stepped out, Bro's wife started screaming at me that she was immensely offended by a comment the Panther (aka my mother) had made.

I drunkenly tried to calm her and agree that she was right (she was), that the PAnther could and should not have said it (she shouldn't have) and that the Panther doesn't mean evil, she simply can be a bit of a bitch sometimes (she can) and that she is having a hard time (she is).

Useless.

As years go by, I still cannot understand neither of them. Why can't they simply live peacefully? Avoind making nasty comments and avoid making scenes?

And all of this with my husband in the room, thinking we all had such a good relationship with his mom who loved each of us and yet passed.

Mother, Father, I stand beside you

The good of this world

Might help see me through

This place need me here to start

This place is the beat of my heart

Oh my heart, oh my heart

Oh my heart, oh my heart!

(REM)