Plans

Next summer will ROCK.

I'm probably going here

And I'm going to be THIS skinny

So, everything will be perfect


(oh, and Mom? last night when I told you I'm not going to have kids, I wasn't lying. Sorry!)

Looking for the skinny girl hidden underneath my fat

If there is one thing I am not, and I have never been, is creative.
Yet I always longed to be one of this talented people who can draw, paint, play an instrument, write something, in an amazing way.
I just don't have this kind of talents and I'm not going to set for something "good enough", so I just leave things at that.

But one thing I used to be. Skinny, that is.

Time flies, and it seems only yesterday I was the skinniest girl in my high school.

This year, I need to reshape my body into a better me.
Since I'm not managing to do it on my own, I just signed up for a check with a doctor who will give me a diet made up accordingly to my food limitations (no meat, and fish only if raw). I know that the first reaction will be that I don't need to drop any more than 2 kg and even that wouldn't be considered as "necessary" (hah hah! what do THEY know?), but I'll make things clear and set out a goal that won't be considered as mad. Then I'll have to report twice a week, so that should me my main motivation, because hey, this is like school, if you don't get good grades it can only mean you're getting bad grades, right?

So far, I'm doing very badly with the weight (I gained 1kg in barely three days), but I'm doing well with my training goals. Tomorrow I'll go skiing (freeriding) with the Sonsor (dad) and Bro, and that is likely to kick my metabolism (a full day of freeriding just the three of us can mean 2000kcals burned in addition to the basal metabolism).

I hope you're doing good lovelies, and if you live in Italy, ask books or clothes for the Befana. don't be tricked with chocolate! ;-)

A better me

I’m a fat cow.
But.
I can’t stand disappointing people over the upcoming weekend.

Boyfriend is driving to my Parents’ place, and I haven’t seen him in 6 weeks or so.
Dad is fetching me from the city tonight – driving the whole way to my job and back, over 2 hours – because he doesn’t want me to face the train strike.
Mom is baking pesto lasagna tomorrow, and I’ll deep-fry pumpkin flowers.

I’ll smile, I’ll do my best to be nice to everyone, because they don’t deserve all my bullshit.

So the plan is this. Tomorrow morning I have to wake early (I have an appointment at 8ish and some errands to run) and I’ll let Boyfriend sleep in late. While he’s sleeping, I’ll go out with the canoe, because I never exercise my arms-shoulder as much as I should.
Then we’ll swing by at my neighbor’s for a glass of white wine, maybe take a quick swim in the lake, then lunch. Wine + lasagna + fried flowers + vegs and fruits. No way to stay below 800kcals.

Afternoon will most likely be dedicated to sun-tanning.

On Sunday I’ll go running with Boyfriend and maybe Dad. We actually run up and downhill, since we’re surrounded by the Alps, so it’s a good exercise (great for my butt!). At least one meal will be a meat BBQ at Bro’s, so I’m safe at least once (I’m vegetarian, and Bro understands me).

And once Sunday dinner is over, I swear I will fast through the whole week. I will wear my red bracelet, and hopefully it will help me through the fast.

I want to be a skinny bitch.
Alejandro is visiting on Monday and I’m already worried about how my butt will look.
I want to be skinny when Steve will be back, next Thursday. I want him to wonder whether I have eaten at all during his absence (which is nuts, because in all honesty, Steve likes fatties best).
I want to go dancing at I want guys to look at me the way they used to when I was in my teens, and until 3 years ago. I wanna look fucking fragile, breakable.

I want a BMI below 18. I will reach it.