Thinking about the Horrors

 The Horrors is how I've come to define the 2021-2025 period, when I was always feeling unwell and all doctors told me I just had to lose weight and be less stressed (and then it turned out I have a womb tumor that was affecting all my body). If I have to recap 2026 so far, I got diagnosed, started treating the issue, starting feeling like a champ (ok like before 2020) and got in the best shape of my life. I also lost 22kg or 48lbs since my highest weight.

The reason I'm writing this is that a difficult part of the process was getting over the fact that I feel I wasted 4 years of my life and that it could have been avoided with just a simple, harmless scan had any gynecologist actually listened to me. 

I do not intend to dwell any further on this, my goal is to enjoy my life as much as I can, but today I'm sick (I have a step throat) and here's the thing: except for the throat ache, today I feel exactly how I felt almost daily over those 4 years:

- back pain

- hurting knee

- every step feels miserable on my joints

- standing up from a chair feels taxing

- overall miserable and prone to tears

(at least I'm not bleeding by hey). The main difference is I know by tomorrow I'll feel better and by the end of this week I'll be back in my champion shape.

And guys I can positively tell you I am amazed at how I still got my shit together over those long painful years. I now forgive myself for the weight gain and for everything. Actually, I deserve a treat for how good I was (ok it will be a black decaf but still :-) )

Sometimes self forgiveness is also important.

Song for this post: "F**kin' Perfect" by P!nk

Back to it

 Husband was slightly dizzy for a couple days during our stay in Greece, I got him some antibiotics and he immediately improved - two days later I spent 6 hours puking VIOLENTLY - like 12 times in 6 hours and I got a throat ache from the acid. The antibiotics quickly kicked in, which was lucky because the next day we had a rough 3 hours by boat to get to Mykonos from where we were flying back (I cannot imagine how I would have managed to do the whole journey while sick).

Despite this and the work, the week in Greece was amazing. We've been to this remote island so many times that by now we know the locals, and Greek hospitality is still more sacred than it's depicted in the Odissey, trust me. The weather was amazing, the food is always good, the place is beautiful, what else could I ask? The cherry on the top: we even had sex three times and one of them it was not me starting things!

It was a week lived from dawn to night, everyday watching the sun rise during a morning walk/slow run, and every evening enjoying the sunset. One day, not too far, I will be able to live a life where I can enjoy every sunrise and every sunset, it's a promise I've made to myself.

One mor pic from Greece (I don't know why I always look short in pictures when I'm tall in reality!):

I'm also happy that overall during the stay at the lake, the couple days in Zermatt and the week in Greece I did not gain a single pound- I did not lose either but that's okay, it was not the goal.

Now I'm back and I need to do another next step - although it's not gonna be easy as September plan includes:

- 3 and 4: corporate party event at the best beach club in Tuscany (it's the only event I am in charge of and trust me it's huge). Fort the first time in years, I will not cover up like a nun - I think I'll wear a bikini with my short jeans

- 9 and 10: corporate partners meeting in Rome

- 19: Anyma concert with one of my nephews (at least this will be an event with no food)

- 20 (Sunday): family gathering at our place to celebrate some birthdays (husband and a brother in law, it's going to be 20 ppl)

- 21 to 23: corporate Europe leadership meeting in Munich, will include two dinners one of which at Oktoberfest

- 23 to 24: other corporate event in Munich

- 26 (Saturday): big family lunch at the lake

- 28 and 29: meeting in Frankfurt with dinner

I guess I'll throw in as many gym sessions as possible! I think this will not leave me any time form the customary September melancholy, which is actually good as I tend to get that a lot.

Did I forget Mischief? I did not. He texted from Hawaii where he was with the family, than from DC (funeral), and now he's in Japan.

Back to Heaven

 I’m here, the place I hope to retire to.

Still working a bit but not much. Eating bread risk and tomatoes. Life is beautiful 

Cloudy eclipse

 August 13 and my summer vacation is yet to start. But enough feeling miserable.

We moved to my Parents' place by the lake on Tuesday as S was fed up with the city. The minute we got here he started complaining. it's too warm (it is), the air is filled with smoke from the fires (it is), the Canadairs plunging in the lake a few yards from my Parents house are noisy (they are), he is bored as I'm working all day (he is and I am). Between him and the Panther claiming my attention, my capability to work is seriously impaired. neither seem to realize that if they gave me 6-7 solid hours for two consecutive days I'd be done. Instead they interrupt me every 15 minutes, each time setting me back (I do need to focus to get work done). I'm exhausted.

On the flip side of the coin:

- S is training me like crazy despite lacking the home gym. He prepares a daily plan that is either HIIT or pure strength and I'm sore all over which is good

- yesterday a family friend came into the backyard while we were training and she was like "Oh my God, you have a sick pack!!" (not true but still made my day)

- last night I had organized a family picnic with Bro and his family, Parents and us on top of a neaby mountain to have dinner and watch the solar eclipse. We got to see about 20% of the eclipse, then as luck would have it ONE SINGLE CLOUD came in and obscured the sun. But we did have an amazing time, all together

I'm eating too much and cannot weight myself which worries me but hey, it's August. at worst I'll have to diet more in September. I'll get back to work...

Song for this post: "The Spectre" by Alan Walker

America?

 Summer is half over and I'm still here working.

I finally got the deal that made me spend so many nights in negotiation calls signed, but another one started, the team has signed off for vacation (some projects finished, some not) and as always when I feel I'm alone working on something I feel lonely. It's not even fair that I write this because I have a manager who is working with me super hard on this project but he's based in India and I still feel lonely.

I also miss Mischief, who has last texted on Tuesday and then went MIA.

Spotify just gave me an old Italian song that says this:

Make me dream! she bites her lip and can feel America

Make me fly! he reaches out with his hand, and she can touch America

Make love to me! stronger and stronger, as if it was America

Make love to me! stronger and stronger, and I am America

Food control has not been good but yet I did lose a little more and woke up at 59.9kg - 132lbs - BMI 20.7 -  while change is minimal, the psychological threshold of having a different first number when you do kilos is big. I felt a little in a rut but now I feel again I can reach 57 by end of September. I want to need new jeans.

I'm also still working hard on the pull-up goal. I can do two non-assisted chin-ups and if I have a good bar 1 pull-up but I need to see improvement and am a bit worried about vacation as I won't have access to a bar. Whatever.

Song for this post: "America" by Gianna Nannini