Not yet there, it seems

 Went to the dietician this morning, weighted at 57.5kg (126.7lbs, BMI 19.9).

While my BMI could be lower, I have honestly developed a certain level of muscles over the last 6 months. I may not be able to do pull-ups, but I can do unassisted chin-ups (ok, 3 or 4 depending if I'm rested or not, but still).

This to say, I honestly expected to receive a "maintenance" diet, a pat on my shoulder and a goodbye.

Instead, he said I should try to reach 55kg (121.2lbs - BMI 19). And gave me another appointment in 40 days. I am kind of wondering (provided I meet the target) if at that point he'll say that 53 would be even better considering then the Christmas season brings a lot of food, and maybe then why not make it 50?

I'm probably nasty, but I was honestly surprised.

On a different topic, we're having an Indian summer and I spent the weekend wearing short jeans, thinking it was likely the last chance to show off the legs. Husband muttered all the time (he would prefer me all covered up in baggy clothes of course), but honestly it was too warm for anything else. I don't recall ever such a warm weather in October, but considering I go to work by bike, I'm not complaining. At least we've had sex over the weekend, after a dry spell of September.

Ok, I'm dancing around what's going on. The last few days have been a bit difficult, with a friend from work who called me crying after stepping out of an MRI (I knew he was going for it) where they found him a prostrate cancer, my neighbor visiting yesterday after she's had a brain tumor removed two weeks ago, and a client who called me on Friday to announce he'll be off for a while for pretty much the same reason. Don't get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful that Husband, I and our families are overall in good health, and I'm also humbled that these people trust me to talk about private matters. It's just I struggle to find words to console them, I wish I could do more although I perfectly know the best I can do is to listen to them when they need to talk to someone.

Finally, I have not been writing about Mischief but he's not disappeared from my life. As Bath suggested, I'm clearly the emotional crutch and he writes me any time he's not home. I wish I could say I don't think about him, but that would be a lie.

Song for this post: "Say it right" by Nelly Furtado

Too much

 I spent last week in Munich attending work internal meetings and I got a bit too wild. Oktoberfest was in full swing and spent two nights there, the first one in a large tent where I barely touched any alcohol, and the second in a small posh tent where champagne (Ruinart) was literally flowing from 3 liters bottles. I touched no water. All was good until I left with another (female) partner to walk back to the hotel. There are no cabs in Munich during Oktoberfest, and the hotel was a good 40 minutes away. The first half was okay, then I started stumbling. At some point there were stairs and I missed one step, luckily near the bottom, but that was not cool. After that, I'd rather not tell.

The next day was literally awful, but at least that night I went back home.

Can you tell I'm overwhelmed by work? I also had a nasty cold for the last 25 days, which did not help.

I'm still trying to train but of course I have not kept up with the usual schedule of 6 trainings a week. Hopefully I'm getting back to it.

On a better news, on Sunday I was alone at the gym (husband had too much of a cold to come) and I suddenly realized as I was putting weights back in the rack that from a profile my 6 pack if finally noticeable. Front view we're still not there, but side view it's literally impossible to miss. 

This was pretty much the highlight of the month together with the Anyma show I went to with my nephew.

Weight wise: 57.5kg or 126.8lbs. BMI: 19.9

and yet my waist is slimmer than it was 10 years ago at a lower weight - my arms are bigger, which sucks but I guess if I insist with the pull-ups this is what I get. I have the dietician appointment next Monday and am in line with the target he gave me - let's see how it goes.

Song for this post: "Skyfall" by Adele

Thinking about the Horrors

 The Horrors is how I've come to define the 2021-2025 period, when I was always feeling unwell and all doctors told me I just had to lose weight and be less stressed (and then it turned out I have a womb tumor that was affecting all my body). If I have to recap 2026 so far, I got diagnosed, started treating the issue, starting feeling like a champ (ok like before 2020) and got in the best shape of my life. I also lost 22kg or 48lbs since my highest weight.

The reason I'm writing this is that a difficult part of the process was getting over the fact that I feel I wasted 4 years of my life and that it could have been avoided with just a simple, harmless scan had any gynecologist actually listened to me. 

I do not intend to dwell any further on this, my goal is to enjoy my life as much as I can, but today I'm sick (I have a step throat) and here's the thing: except for the throat ache, today I feel exactly how I felt almost daily over those 4 years:

- back pain

- hurting knee

- every step feels miserable on my joints

- standing up from a chair feels taxing

- overall miserable and prone to tears

(at least I'm not bleeding by hey). The main difference is I know by tomorrow I'll feel better and by the end of this week I'll be back in my champion shape.

And guys I can positively tell you I am amazed at how I still got my shit together over those long painful years. I now forgive myself for the weight gain and for everything. Actually, I deserve a treat for how good I was (ok it will be a black decaf but still :-) )

Sometimes self forgiveness is also important.

Song for this post: "F**kin' Perfect" by P!nk

Back to it

 Husband was slightly dizzy for a couple days during our stay in Greece, I got him some antibiotics and he immediately improved - two days later I spent 6 hours puking VIOLENTLY - like 12 times in 6 hours and I got a throat ache from the acid. The antibiotics quickly kicked in, which was lucky because the next day we had a rough 3 hours by boat to get to Mykonos from where we were flying back (I cannot imagine how I would have managed to do the whole journey while sick).

Despite this and the work, the week in Greece was amazing. We've been to this remote island so many times that by now we know the locals, and Greek hospitality is still more sacred than it's depicted in the Odissey, trust me. The weather was amazing, the food is always good, the place is beautiful, what else could I ask? The cherry on the top: we even had sex three times and one of them it was not me starting things!

It was a week lived from dawn to night, everyday watching the sun rise during a morning walk/slow run, and every evening enjoying the sunset. One day, not too far, I will be able to live a life where I can enjoy every sunrise and every sunset, it's a promise I've made to myself.

One mor pic from Greece (I don't know why I always look short in pictures when I'm tall in reality!):

I'm also happy that overall during the stay at the lake, the couple days in Zermatt and the week in Greece I did not gain a single pound- I did not lose either but that's okay, it was not the goal.

Now I'm back and I need to do another next step - although it's not gonna be easy as September plan includes:

- 3 and 4: corporate party event at the best beach club in Tuscany (it's the only event I am in charge of and trust me it's huge). Fort the first time in years, I will not cover up like a nun - I think I'll wear a bikini with my short jeans

- 9 and 10: corporate partners meeting in Rome

- 19: Anyma concert with one of my nephews (at least this will be an event with no food)

- 20 (Sunday): family gathering at our place to celebrate some birthdays (husband and a brother in law, it's going to be 20 ppl)

- 21 to 23: corporate Europe leadership meeting in Munich, will include two dinners one of which at Oktoberfest

- 23 to 24: other corporate event in Munich

- 26 (Saturday): big family lunch at the lake

- 28 and 29: meeting in Frankfurt with dinner

I guess I'll throw in as many gym sessions as possible! I think this will not leave me any time form the customary September melancholy, which is actually good as I tend to get that a lot.

Did I forget Mischief? I did not. He texted from Hawaii where he was with the family, than from DC (funeral), and now he's in Japan.

Back to Heaven

 I’m here, the place I hope to retire to.

Still working a bit but not much. Eating bread risk and tomatoes. Life is beautiful