America?

 Summer is half over and I'm still here working.

I finally got the deal that made me spend so many nights in negotiation calls signed, but another one started, the team has signed off for vacation (some projects finished, some not) and as always when I feel I'm alone working on something I feel lonely. It's not even fair that I write this because I have a manager who is working with me super hard on this project but he's based in India and I still feel lonely.

I also miss Mischief, who has last texted on Tuesday and then went MIA.

Spotify just gave me an old Italian song that says this:

Make me dream! she bites her lip and can feel America

Make me fly! he reaches out with his hand, and she can touch America

Make love to me! stronger and stronger, as if it was America

Make love to me! stronger and stronger, and I am America

Food control has not been good but yet I did lose a little more and woke up at 59.9kg - 132lbs - BMI 20.7 -  while change is minimal, the psychological threshold of having a different first number when you do kilos is big. I felt a little in a rut but now I feel again I can reach 57 by end of September. I want to need new jeans.

I'm also still working hard on the pull-up goal. I can do two non-assisted chin-ups and if I have a good bar 1 pull-up but I need to see improvement and am a bit worried about vacation as I won't have access to a bar. Whatever.

Song for this post: "America" by Gianna Nannini

A weekend by the sea

 I spent most nights last week in negotiation calls / reviewing agreements and shooting emails. The latter is possibly worst than the former, because when I know I have a videocall starting at 11PM, I just try to get home not too late, get dinner ready, relax a bit with aperitivo on the terrace with husband, have dinner, maybe watch some TV with him and then he goes to bed and I get ready for my call. But when emails keep coming and going, I go to bed and then I fall asleep but I stress that something may be happening so I typically wake at 1 in the morning, start reading emails and reviewing things and this can go on for two to four hours and then once it seems things are calming down I fall back to sleep but I'm still stressed so that's not good.

Why at night? because our counterparties are in San Francisco which has a 9 hours difference this time of the year (it's even worse n October when it's 10 hours); also, this time it's a bunch of disrespectful idiots (that's usually not the case but it is on this deal). With some luck this shall be signed today (although I have already started another acquisition project again in SF).

Husband and I spent the weekend at the seaside, our neighbors have a nice villa on a sea-facing cliff and had invited us to stay for the weekend. I love so much spending time by the sea, especially in summer. Just the sensation of the sun on my skin paired with the smell of the sea is enough to make me feel so good. Of course I had to be in a call through half of the dinner, but overall it was a lovely weekend. I managed not to stress too much about how I looked in my bikini, relaxed a bit in the sun and had some good laughs. I binged, but I'm at a point where I don't feel like complaining about what I've done - I'd rather focus on the next steps. I hope I get more sleep this week as this will certainly help keeping the training and eating on track.

I had the dietician appointment this morning and even though I missed the goal by 1 kg (we had so much focaccia and various pesto and carbs over the weekend I feared the worst) he was happy with the results: 60.3kg (132.9lbs) - BMI 20.9. Next time will be beginning of October, with a goal of 57-58kg. He also said I can start eating some chickpeas, which I missed tremendously.

Finally, Mischief keeps the chat alive. I suspect he will continue to do so in the next 10 days or so and then disappear as he'll go to Hawaii with the family in the second half of August. I dreamt of him on Saturday, and we were walking around Milano.

Song for this post: Wicked game by Chris Isaac

This is where we had dinner on Saturday

More zombies please

 Believe it or not, just as I wrote my last post, that night Mischief reappeared. I am starting to think I have jinx powers - when I write here he disappears, he resurfaces. When I write here he's supposed to call he never does.

I also realize what this actually means: he's just not that into me and he probably writes and calls when he feels lonely or bored, or when he needs something from me.

In case you were wondering, he just randomly texted, it was late and I was with work friends at a champagne tasting experience which should have involved 6 wines and actually involved 12 glasses. It was a fun night overall, I sent him a pic of the glasses and then he went on bitching a bit about how he works too hard and has too many social nights with clients. As much as my heart kind of skipped a bit when I saw he was texting, I was overall unimpressed. I'll try not to initiate any conversation going forward (but the reality is that if I travel to the US I will text him, let's face it, even though he said he does not want to see me, because I apparently have 0 dignity - and I am likely to travel to the US in Autumn). 

On a different note, my training schedule still involves some elliptical machine sessions, which I especially love because I watch those films and shows that my husband is not keen on while doing this. I try to watch them in English (unless if they are French of course) to practice a bit. The thing is lately (after finishing Euphoria I should say) I have indulged in romance (One day, Before Sunset - which really struck, Notting Hill). I do not think this is good for me right now, so once I'm done with Notting Hills I shall go back to something violent an unromantic - my top pics are usually shows involving zombies, although I will re-watch Fauda in the autumn before the new season comes out. If you have recommendations, they're welcome! (I would love to watch Station Eleven as I adored the book, but it's not available in Italy).

Weight update: 60.3kg - 132.9lbs, BMI 20.9

Final appointment with the dietician in a week and I still have one kg to go - fingers crossed

Song for this post: "The Spectre" in the Alosa version

Jeans and clients

I lost count of the jeans I've bought and discarded this year as they were getting too loose. 

Last night I was talking to a client (my main and my favorite by far incidentally)  and he was commenting the counterparty requests on a deal we're working on and he said "it's like the thing you always say, right? about how anyone can lose 20kg by dieting but what we're buying is the current situation, not a hypothetical adjustment". And I said "so true! but I may need to change example because I lost 19 kg, you have not seen me in a while". And he was like "really??? are you like massively training, or dieting or both?" and I explained and honestly, I think it's the first time I realized that I have really lost 19 kg and in pounds the number is even more satisfying (42lbs).

If I'm being honest, I'm also more slim than I used to be at the same weight in the past - I think it is because I am doing a lot of strength training on top of cardio, and I never lifted in the past - my posture has improved as well.

Mischief has of course disappeared entirely, as expected. To Bath point, yes, he is married and has two teenage kids. I may also add that there was a bump in his marriage many years ago when he spent a night with a colleague, who later sent a letter to his wife informing her she had given him a blow job.

Which incidentally brings me to the BJ topic - I never understand if Americans are obsessed with blow jobs or if they simply don't get them at home? I realize it's my neurodivergent mind that dwells on these kind of topics, but I have come to peace years ago with the fact that my mind is wired differently than most people's.

Weight update: 60.8kg - 134lbs - BMI 21.0

Song for this post: "Dernière Danse" by Indila

Snap

So I'm snapping, one, two

Where are you?

You're still in my heart

Snapping, three, four

Don't need you here anymore

Get out of my heart

'Cause I might snap

Working on my goals (still supported by the elastic band though - is there an elastic band equivalent for my feelings?)

Weight: 61.3kg - 135lbs - BMI 21.2

Song: Snap! by Rosa Lynn