Nepal

Nepal was amazing as always.
200km on foot, up to 5550mt, days and days of awesomeness.

(somehow, I managed to drop a couple of kilos. Am working to drop more. I hope you are all doing well, I'm slowly catching up on your blogs)

Thank-you silence

Tomorrow night I'll drive to the lake to see my parents and pack everything, and on Saturday evening I'll be on my flight to Doha (sigh) and then to Kathmandu (yesssss). This morning I trained for the last time, now it's two days of rest before we start hiking.

I can't even tell you how I can't wait!!

It's the third time I have the opportunity to trek in Nepal. Two years ago I was in Khumbu valley up to Everest Base camp, then last year I did the Annapurna trek.
This year it's Khumbu again, but passing through Gokyo instead of the traditional trek, then reaching Kala Pattar through Cho La (LA meas Pass).

The lake scenes of this trailer were filmed where I'll be trekking.

The silence of those places that can only be reached on foot is an experience that everybody coming from Western countries should try once in their lives.

Weightwise, I'm not doing very well; however, I built a lot of muscle and dropped as much fat. Everybody says it shows.

I'll be back on October 24, in the meanwhile, you lovely beings all take care of yourselves.

38 days away

In 38 days I'll be flying to Kathmandu.
Nepal will never lose its charm to me, and I long for the time to come.

This year we have planned a very beautiful trek which also very... challenging.

I realized two things:
1. I'm 62 kilos and that's too heavy for what I'll be doing
2. I'm not trained enough.

So I started putting more miles on the treadmill, and I'll need to train real hard over the next 37 days. Which, of course, will be overall a good thing.

Sand in my brains

I go on like a robot, dragging myself to work every morning, going to the gym, smiling and answering kindly. Something's wrong, many things are wrong, and I don't know where to start in order to do some spring cleaning in this mess. And then like a ray of light I realize I long so badly for being in Nepal. For spending days away from the frantic, from the smog, from the telephones and emails. Where the soul would be in harmony with the body Where the fat wouldn't matter so much The friends are moving abroad, one by one, they've been doing that for years. I'm the only one who came back. As they leave, my loneliness increases, becoming more and more intoxicating.

Longing for something different

The work trip to Germany represented all I want to stay away from: beer, fat food, carbs and lots of sexism.

Last night I had a nightmare, in which Steve dumped me calling me a fat cow. Steve, in the real world, thinks I am thin (how silly and lovely he can be).


Over last weekend, surrounded by spring at the lake, everything seemed achievable.
Driving towards the city's smog on Sunday night, melancholy came back inevitably. I can't stand this life anymore, and yet I can't seem to move forward. I want so badly to get married, and yet, I wonder when did I become so desperate about this?


I am planning next journey to Nepal, October 2012. Will I be strong enough to come back from there? I long for a life spent walking in the trees, crossing mountains, with only basic food and no temptations, where pleasure is achieved by laying in sun reading a book or stepping into a warm water spring to wash away the dirt from your skin.
Gokyo lakes, Cho La, Kala Pattar, the mystical Tengboche. Skinny boys and girls wearing the monks red robes.

I'll try fasting over a couple of days, maybe it will smooth my edgy feelings.

Para para paradise

A bit of nostalgia over the amazing places I've trek through.... Luckily, Steve is back home, for good.

I thought I'd share some pics.

after the monsoon, waterfalls are at their best, and villagers build swings for their kids

Fat Lucy wondering "Will this thing hold my weight?"

Over the harvest season, Tibetan refugees work hard

Annapurna literally means Goddess of the harvest

Yaks look so lovely, and yet, can be really aggressive... mind these horns!

Early start in the morning, in order to reach the pass

At 5.416mt one would think one would feel high... Yet, you get to see Dhaulagiri, almost 3000mt higher...

Namasté. I'm back, but where is my shadow?

On October 4, I left Italy and flew to Kathmandu, via Delhi.

I left in the form of an ugly cow (not a sacred one), with my awful 135lbs and 21.4BMI (61.2kg).

I decided I had to live this journey, and I mean to really live it and stop thinking about my body.

It was a physical and spiritual journey, hiking almost 200km, from 800mt to 5416mt, walking through the Himalayan peaks that surround the Annapurna, walking with people from many countries.

We started from the rain forest, surrounded by huge butterflies and monkeys, walked through higher woods, where a musk deer suddenly crossed our path one morning at dawn, reached the pine trees, where long donkey caravans carried all kind of objects.

Then we've seen the Tibetan refugees harvesting buckwheat in the sunset, while we made prayer wheels spin, we hiked more, where no more trees grew and yaks are bred, and then climbed up until we reached the ice.

Finally, after the pass at 5.416 (Thorong La), we started the descent through Mustang and the Kali Gandaki, walked some more through a sand storm, and then, it was over.

I will post some pics, but it will take 10 days or so before I get them.

I did lose a little (am currently 132.9lbs, BMI 21.1 (60.3kg), but I think I also gained some muscle weight.

S is moving back from London at some point around the end of November.

In the meanwhile, we all know what I need to do, n'est ce pas?

PS Marcus, did you erase the blog or something? I miss you my friend.

Time

It's awfully slow, but it's progress.

I'm at 134.9 (61.2kg). Disgusting I know, but still a tiny bit less disgusting than 138.

Work is awful again, I'm working with a two faced bitch for over 14 hours a day.

Luckily I'm leaving tonight for London - can't wait to be in Steve's arms.

In 32 days I'll be leaving for Nepal - goal weight for that date: 128lbs (still fat, but it's just a first goal).

Time flies, I can't believe summer's over, I can't believe September only has 4 weekend, I would need at least 7 weekends to do all I have to do. Still, weekends = weight gain, so that's a good thing there aren't too many I guess

Will update more next week - right now I'm really out of time

Special needs

“Hey Lucy, I’m in Scotland! Look girl, I’m Flying back on Thursday: can I bring you anything? Maybe Hoola Hoops? Are you still a fun of that crap?”

My friend Kat, Lord bless her, called me this morning. As if I needed more junk food to stick to my hips.

Although my trousers are loose, although I KNOW I have dropped some fat in Nepal, I’m 124.4 lbs. Bleah. Now, while trekking I've been sick, I caught some virus that thought my stomach was the best place in the world, and after a while I would puke even water. I managed to complete the trek, but I didn’t eat nor drink for DAYS (I also ended up being badly dehydrated, but there was no way to avoid it).

I know that if I'm so heavy, it's partly because I've built up some muscles. But 124.4 lbs, a BMI of 19.75, that's simply inacceptable.

Now that I'm back and I'm living alone, I have to take full control of things. By Christmas, I need to be well below 120lbs. Especially since I'll be spending holidays with Steve, so I need to get skinnier BEFORE Xmas.

This morning I went back to the gym (finally), because I know muscles are heavy and everything, but I want to stay toned and I'll need the training for the skiing season.

My ultimate goal weight would be 105 lbs. Which would mean a BMI of 16.8. I don't think I could ever get there, but I need to try in order to find out, right? In the meanwhile, small steps. First goal will be 120 lbs, but I need to get there ASAP.

I'm catching up with your blogs lovelies. Be strong, always.

In the rut

Every morning

When I wake up yawning

I’m still far away …

Girl you’re home,

You’re dreaming don’t you know

It’s just too far away?

Girl you’re home,

You’re dreaming don’t you know

You’re digging your own grave?

I’m in a rut.

This morning I stepped on the scale… 124.8lbs. That’s 56.6 kg for kg-thinkers like me.

I felt tears streaming on my face, and quickly wiped them as I was Steve wearing his contacts. While we walked to work, he kept inquiring on why I was so quiet and sad. I said I was a bit unhappy but that it wasn’t related to him. He kept bugging me until I exploded.

“I’m fucking fat. I’m getting close to 57, you have NO CLUE of what sacrifices I’ll have to go through to get rid of it, and stop saying I look good because I FUCKING HATE myself. I haven’t been at the gym in TWO weeks. I haven’t eaten a single healthy meal in 10 days. The house is a freaking mess and it’s dirty, and I’m running out of clean clothes for work. I’ve been working over 14 hours every day over the last 12 consecutive days. I CAN’T GO ON LIKE THAT”.

It’s unfair. He’s working almost as hard as I am, and since he moved in, I know he does help at home. But the truth is that living alone is easier, I just don’t keep food at home, avoid eating out, shower at the gym, so I even have less cleaning to do.

I love Steve, I just need to work less. Also, things aren’t going well at work, so I’m constantly depressed.

Steve is moving to London on October 22. On the same day, I’ll leave with dad, heading to Nepal, where I’ll trek up the Khumbu valley all the way to Everest base camp. Hopefully I’ll drop weight while trekking. In the meanwhile, I need a fast so badly, but I feel so weak (I’m running a slight temperature at least once a week) I can’t face the idea of fasting.

Since I’m on the pill, I cannot purge either.