Loki

I'm wide awake
Wide awake
I'm not sleeping
Oh, no, no, no

If you should ask then maybe they'd
Tell you what I would say
True colors fly in blue and black
Bruised silken sky and burning flag
Colors crash, collide in bloodshot eyes

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
If I could, you know I would, if I could, I would
Let it go

(Bad, U2)

How long have I been listening to this song? Must be 20 years at least.

I'm actually quite happy. Not about my weight, nor my looks, nor my back which aches like hell 25 days a month.

But overall, I am happy. I believe that the new family member has a good deal to do with it, despite the trouble of scooping up all his poop.

Meet Loki, the Brad Pitt of cats)

He is still very scared of being outdoor, but I keep trying and he's starting to be more comfortable as long as he can stay on my shoulder or in my arms. Hopefully we can train him to feel safe in a backpack where he can peek out.

On top, we're having a lovely autumn with long and dry days, pleasant temperature outside. My team is doing great at work and I always have a good time with them. This pretty much carries through work on a daily basis.

So the only thing is, I'm still fat.

Random things from vacation

 For the first time in the last 5 years or so, we managed to spend amazing vacation without work bothering us. And we had such a great time!

We spent three days in Bourgogne, visiting around some historical sites (Cluny and Beaune mostly) and relaxing by the pool and drinking fabulous wine. I had booked a room in this place, which turned out to be awesome

Then we went to Amorgos, my dream island. Although it's quite different in August with the summer crowd, it was still awesome and lovely. One day a local fisherman took us to a uninhabited small island and we managed to spend the day alone and naked at a beach, laying in sun, snorkeling and reading. What an amazing time!

We're back at work, but honestly we both feel so.. recharged if that makes sense!

Finally, Husband went on all summer saying that he really really wants a cat, so we're going to go and chose it on Saturday and then it will come home with us at the end of September once it's old enough. We're picking one from a litter of Siberians, they's mostly white although some have a grayish tail. I'm so excited about this!

Wishful thinking

 When I was a kid, I desperately wanted to be a boy (only one person in the world wanted that more than I did - my mother). Since that was not going to happen, I desperately wanted to be tall and boyish. At 14 I got a boy haircut (which did NOT suit me). I was severely underweight, but I wanted to be tall to be able to ride my brother's enduro motorbike.

I ended up being a tall woman (at least for Italian standards). Years went by and I also ended up being a fat woman.

And funnily, I now wish I was shorter, smaller, petite. I am so jealous of my short friends who, even when they get fat (they usually don't), have such little weight to carry around.

I still wish I was born as a boy.

Amorgos

 "Can we go to Amorgos for a week?"

I am ashamed to say that I've probably asked this question at least once a week over the past two years and a half.

"When would you want to go?" - wait - this is an opening. I think about an answer that would make sense, something that is actually doable.

"Last week of August - the crowds will have left by then, and days are not too short yet"

"Fine, let's do it"

Before her can change his mind I grab my ipad and within 5 minutes I have booked the flight to Mykonos, the fast boat that luck has placed at the perfect time from Mykonos to Amorgos, and the small place they were still building last time we've been there, a small house right on a small cliff by the sea that has private stone steps leading down to the water and a patio right above.

The place I dream to own, the island where I dream to get old and spend the rest of my life.

Amorgos, the dream of The big blue (but I'm sorry lovelies, English is not enough to render Le Grand Bleu, and even if you had seen the French cult movie, you would have seen the silly American version which was changed from the original as the French one lacked a happy ending, and was stripped of half of the poetry in the process).

Amorgos, where the blue is so deep that the sky seems dark. The island that Homer already deemed dry, I've never been so late in the summer: will there be any green left, any water trickling in the valleys? The golden steps of Panagia Hozoviotissa will be there for sure, unchanged.

Will I be able to come back?

Wake up call

 This was an accident,

not the kind where sirens sound

never even noticed

we're suddenly crumbling

(show me love, t.A.T.u.)

While we were planning a summer roadtrip that involves visiting some top French wine caves in the Burgundy region, chateaux, middle age towns, kayaking down the Ardèche canyon and relaxing by Lake Annecy, driving around lazily, and then...

Husband suddenly proposed to do a week of diet retreat. He actually sent me the link of a sick place where instead of giving you food they give you an IV with fluids and nutrients. (for the modest price of fucking 5k Euros per person, per week).

Besides the obvious fact that I'd rather shut myself in at home without food for a week rather than flushing money down the toilet like this, the simple think he is considering this kind of plan triggers some huge warnings.

I need to lose weight ASAP. Let' face it - my parents can barely look me in the eyes and are basically ashamed of being around with me. Husband enquires about sick places that are meant for old rich fat people that wannabe anorexic. Do I need any more suggestions?

When T.A.T.U. were famous, no one ever focused much on Lena Katina, even though she was the real voice of the duo. She was probably a normal weight, but she was the fat one of the duo and eye were all over skinny Julia Volkova, the hot skinny bitch.