I wanted it bad

 The gym finally opened, and it was right about time - as suddenly yesterday my sister in law announced that she will get married on June 5, and I'm quite confident I cannot fit into any of my dresses.

I managed to do some spinning and then a yoga workout this morning, and man, did I miss real training! It's also good for the allergy - which has been a pain lately, I even passed out on Sunday due to low blood pressure as I haven't been sleeping a lot.

Of course it's not the same as running - I'll always miss running I think. I even dream of it sometimes, and it feels like these good dreams in which you can fly or you can breathe under water (you guys do et these right??).

I started this week at 160lbs, with a BMI of 25.4. I ama ashamed, but I feel I need to put this down, in order to focus on improving. In two days I'll be eligible to book my vax, and I'll probably be able to get my first shot in July. It's high time to leave covid behind, get out, work out and drop this belly.

On June 2nd the firm will announce the promotions to equity partners. I still do not know if I'll be in the announcement... If I get promoted, I'll go back to bright blonde hair. If I'm not, I'll go for a darker shade (ash blonde). It's a bit sad that I no longer care as much as I used to...

And I wanted it, I wanted it bad
But there were so many red flags
Now another one bites the dust
Yeah, let's be clear I'll trust no one
You did not break me
I'm still fighting for peace
I've got thick skin and an elastic heart
But your blade it might be too sharp
I'm like a rubber band until you pull too hard
I may snap and I move fast
But you won't see me fall apart
Cos I've got an elastic heart

(SIA)

Wine binge

 Something that never fails to atsnonish me is this:

Puking is easier than taking a leak

You have a right hand right?

You fucking staff that down your throat till only your wrist shows

 trouble is you only puke what you ingested in the last 15/20minutes or so.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck

I even brought husband home and fuck I still need to deal with calories and drunk ness while I had to talk the cab driver into taking him on the ride

 I fucking want 

I don't know Any longer

Moved in

 I have been moving into the new apartment, and working (of course)

I have not been loosing weight (sadly, and of course)

I have a nice new walk-in closet. I have a perfect line of blouses hanging by colour, from white to black, which I no longer fit into.

I've also been having some good sex with my love in my beautiful bed - the pic was taken before we got the plants on the terrace ;-)

More in the next days

ugh

 At the highest weight ever, tired like hell, overworked, overworked, overworked.

I'll try some fasting, maybe it could be doable considering Husband will be away for work for a few days.

I really really really want to go on vacation. I want to be back in Greece, one week on the beach by ourselves, just walking early in the morning, laying in sun all day, swimming a bit now and then, eating tomatoes, reading and sleeping.

Also, spring allergies are kicking in, and I can't even describe the stares I got this morning while sneezing on the tube (with a mask of course)

Derailed rumblings of an M&A consultant

Last week we finalized the purchase of the flat.

We'll be moving in within 2 months - we need to have some changes done in the inside, and we have already ordered furniture.

I am looking forward to that, but I'm so exhausted that I have a hard time thinking that I shall move utilities to the new house. Work has really been overwhelming and, from an emotional standpoint, draining. It seems I might be making it to equity partner in June - please do not cheer, it's too early.

Meanwhile, I won a huge engagement for my top client, the same one I mentioned in the post "Sometimes" back in September.

Sometimes, but only sometimes, they call me every other month or so for a quick chat. It gets awkward over time, because I'm less and less part of their lives. I never was really, I know little of their life outside work. Sometimes the project lasts for years, and it's harder to let go, even for me. Sometimes there is even a new project, and suddenly they realize that when this one will be over, we'll probably never see each other again. And you end up with bleary eyes on both sides, because you'll miss each other.

 Trouble is, the corporation is the same, but V (he) is not officially involved this time. Working for them has always been draining, but the upside was working with him. Now that he's officially not involved, this project has been a mess so far and promises to get worse.

So after talking to him about twice a week over the phone for the last 2 months, we went out for drinks. As soon as I stepped into the wine bar and saw V, I knew it was a mistake. I don't care I said in past I don't think he's an attractive man, it was like a pheromones path led straight to him. The conversation kept derailing between work and personal matters. I don't even know how I ended in his arms outside the bar, my eyes searching his ones, knowing I was going to regret this but practically begging for him to kiss me.

I woke up all grumpy at my sister in law house and the dream was so vivid I spend the morning wondering about him, stalking V's wife social media profiles and finally sending him a message on whatsapp (about professional matters). V is in London, we are in lockdown, I've certainly not been outside a bar without a mask, nor inside any batr at night, for the past 4\217986\287963947194\834629\7 years or at least that's what it feels like, and I'm certainly not involved with V.

By lunch time I was all over my husband, in love with him to the moon and back.

Night falls and V calls me. The conversation sticks to professional matters for the most, and he tells me a number of things that spark my anxiety. Finally he says the new company they'll incorporate will be based in London but operating in Milan and I ask him if he's moving back to ITaly or not, and he says he'll stay in London. Which is probably for the best.

Next week I have my final interview for the equity partnership admission process. IF that goes well, I'll have to fork out €100,000 in July . not sure where I'm going to find this kind of money considering how much I've thrown into the new flat but we'll see.