I agree. Unless, only partly

Blak lives matter.
I totally agree.
The US need to change a lot of things, in my opinion.

But frankly, guys, the US have a problem with their police.

My country does not have this kind of problem.

So why is everyone manifesting for black lives matter, and no one cares about this?

Of course black lives matter. Children matter even more, I think. Child slavery, child abuse and child torture and killing - shouldn't these be a major global issue?

Dear USA people, forgive me, but the solution for your issue is so basic it does not need big brains: spend less in arming and more in schools. Help poor people getting access to a better education, and don't allow any dick going around with a gun.

Philip Roth said something on the lines of "All I have to defend myself is the alphabet; it is what was given to me in lieu of a gun"

Back to black

Back in Milano

but this is not the Milano I craved, I loved and hated. No movida, no aperitivo, no skinny bitches around.

No drugs

No office life, and no after-office parties

In a way, timing is perfect. It may be time to quit the overgrown teenage way of life we've had so far, and live like adults. Might I find enough traction in this, enough desire to maintain a decent body?

We'll see.



Post Scriptum
6 months have passed from my knee surgery and I cannot stay on all fours. it is completely impossible. How can I explain my physical therapist that my (already modest) sex life suffers a significant impairment because of this?

because I'm going deeper and deeper, harder and harder, getting darker and darker

For some complicated and probably stupid reasons, I'm back in the city (illegaly, I might add, since we're still not allowed to travel) and alone (Husband left for southern Italy for work).

Perfect time for a little fasting by the way, and I went to bed all happy and excited, looking forward to my scale in the morning because the first day of fasting always brings incredible joys.

At 1.30 I woke in such agony that it took me 5 minutes to manage to stand. I felt like a hot piece of rod had been somehow inserted at the base of my spine, and my hips were pulsing in waves of pain. I felt nauseous from the pain, and I didn't even want to puke since I had not eaten in 30 hours and I knew it would not help anyway.

I managed to swallow some ibuprofen and ti lay down on my belly, with the pillow propped under my hips, since this somewhat helps with my back ache, but the trouble is it's not a position that fits well with my swollen nose from the allergies.
Tossing and turning, I made it till morning, when I saw my reflection in the mirror and I honestly thought "I've got it. I've got this fucking Covid and I'm going to die alone, like my father in law".
My face was so swollen and the pain so bad, I had such trouble breathing...
But no temperature, and trust me I almost cried when I checked.

Even the scale numbers dropping by 2.4lbs in 24 hours were meaningless.
In any case I had never been this heavy and fat before, so nothing to rejoice I guess.

The real trouble is, I don't have much to look forward. I've been relatively okay at home for the past few months (resulting in fat fat fat fat accumulating).
But then what?
Work will never be the same again. I've been through one crisis before, and even worse, I already knew before the covid that I was not going to make it to equity partner.

So I don't really look forward to the "back to normal". I am not so keen on everyone at work finding out I've become fat.

Last weekend it was Vivien's birthday, and she's been dead for almost two years - I can hardly believe it
I'll never forget you my friend. I'll never know if it was an accident or if you've simply had enough, but I miss you and I'll still do my best to carry on.

a time for changes

despite not trusting my father's scale, I gave in and stepped on it.
The number was the highest I've ever seen in my life.
However, this was a bit of a wake up call. I finally started restricting and despite everything I'm managing to stay positive.

we'll be spending a day at our place in the city over the weekend and then come back here, so I'll recover my scale.

Lockdown update: we are now allowed to go for a walk, but that's pretty much it. My office will probably be closed until OCTOBER. Not positive on that

Total fuck up

Things are so depressing I don't even know where to start.

Work is shit. I fucking hate working this way, all the empathy I always enjoyed with my team is not around. We used to understand each other without a word, and now it seems that, without a half an hour phone call, they can't even tie their own shoelaces.
The truth is, most of them have been living alone in a one or two rooms apartment alone for the past 9 weeks, going out once a week for grocery shopping, and by now they can't seem to focus if it's a matter of life and death (and honestly, who can blame them?).
This leads to A LOT of inefficiencies. I work 12h per day + 5 or 6 hours in the weekend and I'm still lagging behind.

In all this, my boss just asked me to take a day of paid leave (while working of course) for the next 15 weeks. In the end, this equals a salary haircut (as per our labour law, you get paid your unused vacation when you leave the company - so 20 days of paid leave accrued means 1 month of salary).
Also, there is no understanding if I'm getting my bonus, which equals my fixed salary. We close books at the end of June, and before CoVid I had already met ALL my targets for this year (including sales). I was the only one (and was still kicked out of the process to be made equity partner).
My bonus equals my fixed salary. So potentially, further haircut up to 50% of my total annual income.

Meanwhile, I gained a ton of weight. When I'll go back I need to fast for about 10000393048123847 weeks

Oh, and the flat for which we signed a cheque the day before lockdown? Who knows, they disappeared.

By the way, clearly I'm not pregnant, given I'm on a fucking period (couldn't you tell?). I swear I did not remember that periods were so fucking disgusting.

Everything just seems to be a total fuck up