Devious thoughts

I fell because I'm an idiot.
Or, more likely, I fell because my ass is too heavy and fat and big.

Rewind
Last Saturday I went to see a doctor in the morning, because lately my back has been bothering me. The doc said my right leg is longer than my left one (which I knew, I smashed my right tibia when I was a kid), and both my hips and shoulders are unbalanced. In addition, I am super tense in the higher part of back and in the neck and when he asked me if I can touch my toes while keeping my legs straight I almost laughed into his face.
So he ordered 1 sessions of physio + tecar therapy and 10 sessions of specific back exercises. Luckily  my insurance will pay for all of this. He said I can keep running, but advised against distances over half marathons.

So, after a long walk on Saturday afternoon with the Panther (my mom), when dad proposed to go for a short uphill run I enthusiastically joined. It was fun and fine.
Then on Sunday we went for a (previously planned) long run - Dad, Hubby and I. After about 2 minutes, we passed some acacia trees in full bloom and I focused on the flowers, thinking "I could fetch some of those on the way back", because where I live we sometimes eat acacia flower fritters (the essence of sweet + fat). Karma is a bitch. I should not think these kind of thoughts.
So, while distracted, I didn't spot a whole in the road and fell.
No serious damage taken. I got up after a couple minutes and we eventually went for a not-so-long (10km) slow run, but afterwards my right knee got very swollen (and my left hip is badly bruised).
Result: no running and lots of ice on my knee this week.

Do not misunderstand me: this is no bad luck or whatever. This is me being overweight and thinking sinful thoughts, thus heavily landing on my poor knee.

I skip meals, I gain wait, I can't sleep
what a fuck up
and what do I want a 6pack for?
I'm not even going to the sea this year
I'm turning 34 in a month, who the fuck am I kidding? crop tops are no longer an option.

I wish I could say the new job was a launch ramp for success.
It is not.
fuck.

..through the hourglass I saw you
in time you slipped away
when the mirror crashed I called you
and turned to hear you say
"If only for today,
take my breath away!"

I dropped 5 pounds between April 1 and April 23.
And gained them back between April 24 and April 25

whatever

meanwhile, husband, who gained like 12 pounds over a 10 days work trip to China, declared he wants us to run a full marathon
like the whole fucking 42km
26.1 miles

I don't know if I can ever manage

Where is my time?

Did I say Kayla Itsines?
hahah seriously I barely have the energy to put the dishes in the dishwasher at night.

Work is hectic, demanding and stressful. Commuting eats away my spare time.
Yet, stress is good apparently. I did wake up this morning to an unexpected 59.8kg (131.8lbs) or 20.9 BMI.
Far from good, but still somewhat better than 21BMI, right?

Problem is, to quote The Oatmeal (a long distance runner and comics writer) "They say you should treat your body like a temple. I treat mine as a fast moving dumpster"
Truly yours
Lucy

obsessing

The second day post a long run is always a nightmare. My muscles are extra-sore when I wake up, and the weight is always up (I have finally come to terms with the fact that it is really water weight - my body (which is prone to dehydration) probably freaks out from all the sweating that comes on a long run and on the following 36 hours stocks water like crazy.
Now I got up this morning with a slightly better 132.1 lbs (59.9kg) or 21.0 BMI.
It is Thursday.
I shall not fuck up today, nor tomorrow, nor over the weekend.
Also, We should run 20km on Sunday (12.4 miles), so that should help getting rid of the half pizza I'll have on Saturday night (we're visiting Hubby's family, so Sat night is pizza).
If I can manage to see anything below 60kg on Monday morning on the scale, I'll be a happy girl.

On a side note, I'm really starting the Kayla Itsines training program. Instead of her LIIS (walking) days, I'll squeeze in my 3 weekly runs. We'll see. Good luck with the upcoming weekend beauties