Waiting for the Miracle

30 March 2015

19 March 2015

Sometimes I think I could stop this struggle and just accept the reality, meaning the current weight, accepting I'll never be skinny again
and then in dawns of me I gave up the hope of getting skinny, I'd be giving up the hope for happiness.

And this is so sad, it brings tears to my eyes.

I need to spend more time with my husband

Right now my life seems to consist purely of work, work frustration, restricting, training, bingeing, work...

And now my friends, after 12 solid hours of work, I'll go home to train with Jillian Michaels (my hero)

12 March 2015

everything's awesome

76 days to summer vacation

Liberally quoting from an Italian song

Even though everything is awesome

I'll try not to feel like it's scolding me

It may be my dreams are all wrong

are delusions

Right now they belong to me

Outside everything's aweome

08 February 2015

We were born to die

Fear don't fail me now
Take me to the finish line
oh my heart it breaks ...

Walking through Paris streets
is it by mistake or design
I feel so alone on a Sunday night
Can you make me feel like home?

(....)

'cause you and I:
we were born to die.

Sometimes, like all, being apart is hard, and I do sometimes wonder if our marriage is strong enough. Then we finally spend a day and a half together, and I realize it is the real thing. We are so good together, I wonder what took us so long to understand it.

Now S is gone back to Milan, I'm still here for who knows how long (maybe just one week, but then there'll be another project somewhere else, maybe back in Oman, maybe somewhere else in France, and he may be going to Brazil soon).
This life is too fucked up.