Self-starvation by fasting is known as Santhara and is supposed to help shed karma according to Jain religion. The ritual can be carried out to voluntary death. Supporters of the practice believe that santhara cannot be considered suicide, but rather something one does with full knowledge and intent, while suicide is viewed as emotional and hasty. Due to the prolonged nature of Santhara, the individual is given ample time to reflect on his or her life. The vow of Santhara is taken when one feels that one's life has served its purpose. The goal of Santhara is to purify the body and, with this, the individual strives to abandon desire.
21 October 2016
26 September 2016
Countdown
40 days 'till we leave for Nepal.
Now it's not "just" about being skinny.
I have planned a challenging trek - in order to make it through it, I need to drop weight, or I won't manage.
Meanwhile, I am training hard, so it's even more difficult - I can't afford to drop muscle weight, only fat needs to go.
Everything else right now is pretty much meh
Now it's not "just" about being skinny.
I have planned a challenging trek - in order to make it through it, I need to drop weight, or I won't manage.
Meanwhile, I am training hard, so it's even more difficult - I can't afford to drop muscle weight, only fat needs to go.
Everything else right now is pretty much meh
20 September 2016
Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome back to the annual September Rut
Luckily, last Saturday I got new eyelash extensions, because man, I need them badly to look human.
My last week in a summary:
run, binge, draw a line and snort it, drink wine, binge, run, repeat.
At least I ran 13.7 miles on Sunday (22km), and I did sprints this morning.
Still, even my fingers look fat.
My last week in a summary:
run, binge, draw a line and snort it, drink wine, binge, run, repeat.
At least I ran 13.7 miles on Sunday (22km), and I did sprints this morning.
Still, even my fingers look fat.
24 August 2016
Fuck off moon
After everyone else in the world, I finally got this fucking respiratory infection that's been running around the whole month. Husband caught it on his way back from Colorado (which of course was on the day Delta airlines fucked up, and needless to say he was flying Delta). Then we spent a couple days in the Swiss Alps, and 3 days in central Italy by the seaside (before the earthquake luckily) with fat friends.
On a side note, modesty on Italian beaches is unknown. I'm not criticizing (I would totally stay naked if that was acceptable, but even topless is totally unacceptable) but most girls (even fat ones) wear brazilians or string bikinis which are totally unflattering for most.
I did not gain, but I did not lose either.
On the sunny side, I'm back to being the white knight of the company at work (actually, I've even been enrolled for the stock option plan, which involves like 12 people out of 1800 - cute huh?).
Back o how I'm feeling - I've been at a different gym where mirrors are angled in such a way one gets a full view of one's back. I almost burst in tears. I knew my tights are huge, but... well..
And so last night I dreamed for the millionth time the same old memory, the time when B (who fucked my life over 11 years ago) told me "you no longer have the hot body you had when we got together". (by the way when he told me that I was a good 710 pounds lighter than I am now)
Fuck off moon, since that mess
Since that unlucky night
How long has it been moon? It feels like being left outside
I wonder what happened to the skinny girl I was
and to that bastard I still want
How long has it been moon, since I lost it
I even buried my heart
What happened to me?
I bade myself farewell
How bad it feels being so lonely
In these nights of damned dreams
What happened to her,
What did we make of ourselves?
What happened to the Lord: did he also bid farewell to us
On a side note, modesty on Italian beaches is unknown. I'm not criticizing (I would totally stay naked if that was acceptable, but even topless is totally unacceptable) but most girls (even fat ones) wear brazilians or string bikinis which are totally unflattering for most.
I did not gain, but I did not lose either.
On the sunny side, I'm back to being the white knight of the company at work (actually, I've even been enrolled for the stock option plan, which involves like 12 people out of 1800 - cute huh?).
Back o how I'm feeling - I've been at a different gym where mirrors are angled in such a way one gets a full view of one's back. I almost burst in tears. I knew my tights are huge, but... well..
And so last night I dreamed for the millionth time the same old memory, the time when B (who fucked my life over 11 years ago) told me "you no longer have the hot body you had when we got together". (by the way when he told me that I was a good 710 pounds lighter than I am now)
Fuck off moon, since that mess
Since that unlucky night
How long has it been moon? It feels like being left outside
I wonder what happened to the skinny girl I was
and to that bastard I still want
How long has it been moon, since I lost it
I even buried my heart
What happened to me?
I bade myself farewell
How bad it feels being so lonely
In these nights of damned dreams
What happened to her,
What did we make of ourselves?
What happened to the Lord: did he also bid farewell to us
03 August 2016
Shattering
My Facebook Status currently recites:
Kiss me hard before you go,
Ste#@*° #+%§§i
I just wanted you to know
That Baby, you're the best
The name is that of my husband, who left over 10 days ago for Colorado (I'm in Europe).
All dolled up (in a professional way) for the Board of Directors that's happening, I know that, while I was one of the white knights of the Company until last week, I'm now in the shit house. The deal that everyone believed secure, blew up. On the same day they announced 700 employees will be made redundant.
No wonder I've got that summertime sadness.
It doesn't matter, I'll be back on my feet.
Got my bad baby by my heavenly side: I know if I fast, I'll die happy tonight
Plan is liquid fast from now (Wednesday afternoon) until Friday night or Saturday morning if it can be managed (considering I have a 120km drive ahead on Friday night and I do not wish to really die - I just wish I could disappear).
I haven't fasted this way in a very long time, but right now, I need to see change happening.
And to see it happening that fast, there's only one way.
Stay strong lovelies
Kiss me hard before you go,
Ste#@*° #+%§§i
I just wanted you to know
That Baby, you're the best
The name is that of my husband, who left over 10 days ago for Colorado (I'm in Europe).
All dolled up (in a professional way) for the Board of Directors that's happening, I know that, while I was one of the white knights of the Company until last week, I'm now in the shit house. The deal that everyone believed secure, blew up. On the same day they announced 700 employees will be made redundant.
No wonder I've got that summertime sadness.
It doesn't matter, I'll be back on my feet.
Got my bad baby by my heavenly side: I know if I fast, I'll die happy tonight
Plan is liquid fast from now (Wednesday afternoon) until Friday night or Saturday morning if it can be managed (considering I have a 120km drive ahead on Friday night and I do not wish to really die - I just wish I could disappear).
I haven't fasted this way in a very long time, but right now, I need to see change happening.
And to see it happening that fast, there's only one way.
Stay strong lovelies
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