whatever

Been away for long, changed job in the meanwhile.
Now I'm working even harder than I used to (although how is that even possible is something too difficult for my micro brain to figure).
The new job involves commuting by tube instead of walking to it (and no, walking is not an option). that sucks
Also, I thought I had a friend, but guess what? In two weeks, not once she had lunch with me (and we sit in the same office).
I feel so lonely
and I am so fat. So incredibly, disgustingly fat.
This year my goal is running 1000km.
Am currently on track, also thanks to last Sunday half marathon (lord, it was freezing!). We have another one planned next Sunday.
The irony is Hubby, wh's always been on the fat side, is at his lowest weight ever, while me... I'm over 21.5 of BMI, aka near my highest weight ever.
ugh.

Letter to the skinny girl I used to be

Hello, it's me, I was wondering
If after all these years you'd like to meet to go over everything
They say that time's supposed to heal, yeah
But I ain't done much healing (only fattening)

Hello, can you hear me?
I'm in California dreaming about who we used to be
When we were younger and free
I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet

There's such a difference between us
And a million pounds

Hello from the other side
I must've called a thousand times
To tell you I'm sorry, for everything that I've done
But when I call you never seem to be home

Hello from the outside
At least I can say that I've tried
To tell you I'm sorry, for falling apart
But it don't matter, it clearly doesn't tear you apart anymore

Hub

After years of living with me, the Husband decided to start dieting and to dive into fitness. He wants a six pack. He does train with me.
Our current schedule:
we started Jillian Michaels 30 days shred (again, for me, but it's his first time)
we run about 15-20km per week, over 2-3 sessions
he cut un alcohol (for me, there was literaly nothing to cut on in the alcohol department)
we're trying to eat healthier.

Let's see where this goes.

NYC

weekend in NYC with my girlfriends, on my way to a project in Florida.
I'm fucking fat

Letter

Dear eating disease

Right from the start,
you were a thief
you stole my heart

And I, your willing victime

I let you see the parts of me
that weren't all that pretty (my legs, oh my legs!)
with every touch you fixed them

Now you've been talking in your sleep
things you never say to me
tell me that you've had enough of our love

Just give me a reason, just a little bit's enough
Just a second, we're not broken, just bent
And we can learn to love again


Deep down, dear ED, I know you did not fail me; It is I who failed. But we'll come clean.